Taming of Tom Paris, Part 24


By Britta


The next couple of days passed slowly and painfully for both of us. Tom was subdued. We didn't get to spend much time together and I think that was by his choice and machination. This provided me with what felt like an eternity to ponder things.
*
He said very little and only in response to my direct questions. On the surface, he appeared to accept the situation benignly but I had a feeling there was something he was hiding from me.
*
I expected anger or at the least, resentment, some sort of reaction more in keeping with the Tom Paris I knew and loved. He never complained and that made me proud of him yet I was puzzled by his listlessness.
*
Setting aside the padd containing the crew schedule, I drank some more juice. As I waited for Tom to come home, I decided to end his punishment this evening.
*
I wanted to hold him, talk to him, be with him as much as I always did but every time I'd tried to get close lately, he seemed to shrink away, withdraw from me. He'd let me touch him physically; I could put my arms around him but he wouldn't let me into his soul.
*
He also wouldn't tell me what he was feeling. Whenever I'd ask, he'd answer, "Not much." The flatness of his voice making subtle digs at me for cutting off his sex life. Or so I thought.
*
It was as if he'd gone into a personal gray mode.
*
Even last night at bowling practice, which I went to despite his lack of invitation, he surprised me by not taking advantage of the conditions. I figured he'd tease me by wiggling that delectable rear end of his in my direction but he did nothing of the sort. I also noticed that his game was off. He scored lower than I'd ever seen and didn't seem to mind at all.
*
A few minutes before I expected him to come trudging through the door, my badge chirped. Thinking it to be Tom with yet another excuse why he couldn't have dinner with me, I tapped it impatiently. "Chakotay here."
*
"Commander," the Doctor's annoying voice intoned. "I received your request for a brief meeting. I have some free time now if it is convenient for you. I have sent Mr. Paris out on a house-call so to speak. That way you need not worry about him being present."
*
I wondered why he thought I'd worry about that when all I wanted to do was discuss B'Elanna's impending motherhood. "Now is fine. I'm on my way. Chakotay out." I finished my juice and got rid of the glass then left a note for Tom saying I'd return shortly.
*
Upon my arrival at Sickbay, the Doctor said smugly, "I am gratified to see that your concern extends to the point of consulting with me."
*
I blinked and replied, "Of course it does. It's part of my job. I came to ask you if Lt. Torres' pregnancy would prevent her from performing any of her assigned duties."
*
The Doctor looked momentarily perturbed then stated, "Lt. Torres is fine. However, she should not be allowed to engage in any hand-to-hand combat exercises. Other than that restriction, she can do whatever is required of her for the next three months. I will re-evaluate her at that time." He paused and frowned at me.
*
Before he could continue, I said, "Thank you. That's all I needed to know." I turned to leave but he stopped me.
*
"No, it's not, Commander. I assumed when you asked for this meeting that you wanted to discuss the condition of Lt. Paris."
*
"What condition?"
*
He stared at me in the way only holograms can and answered, "Why, his depression, of course. Surely you must have noticed. He has been sliding down into it more deeply on a daily basis."
*
Tom depressed? So that's what was wrong. I'd suspected something along these lines but had seen so little of him, I couldn't be certain. No wonder he'd been so quiet lately.
*
The Doctor led me into his office and offered me the chair opposite his desk. "Commander, I know you and Mr. Paris have an unusual relationship in *some* respects and I also know you have been working different shifts so you may not have been able to spend as much time with him as I have but you must have noted his exhaustion, among other things."
*
"What other things?" I demanded.
*
The Doctor paced back and forth behind his desk and pontificated, "Lieutenant Paris has been fatigued, torpid and hungover for the last few days. In addition, when I asked him about it, all he did was shrug." He stopped and faced me expectantly.
*
"I see." Hungover? I thought I'd better check on the status of our rations just to see what he'd been up to in my absence.
*
The Doctor put his hands on his desk and leaned toward me saying intently, "Commander, something is disturbing him. He is usually much more volatile, especially when I *pry* into his personal life. The fact of the matter is, he just doesn't seem to care. I don't know what to do about this; he refuses to discuss it with me." For a hologram, he seemed very sincere.
*
Resolutely, I rose to my feet and said, "Don't worry. I'll find out what's bothering him and take care of it."
*
I guess I sounded more sure of myself than I felt because the Doctor believed me and ushered me out of Sickbay saying, "I know if anyone can do it, you can. I look forward to having Mr. Paris return to his usual sardonic self. But don't tell him I said that."
*
I looked back at him and replied, "I won't."
*
Then I went off in search of Tom, berating myself for my denseness every step of the way.
*
I couldn't believe I'd missed it. All the signs were there. Why didn't I see the truth? Perhaps it was because I didn't understand why he felt the way he did. I still loved him more than life itself. Didn't he know that? I'd told him so in no uncertain terms that just because I wouldn't *make* love to him didn't mean that I didn't love him.
*
Spirits! This whole thing was getting out of hand. I asked the computer for Tom's location and was relieved to find that he was in our cabin. I headed for home determined to sort this out once and for all.
*
When I arrived, I was all set to confront Tom and drag some answers out of him if need be. All that changed when I found him, clad only in his robe, curled into a ball in the middle of our bed, sleeping soundly.
*
I decided to leave him alone and see if I could obtain more information before tackling him. I began by checking our rations and found we had plenty. There was no record of Tom replicating any alcohol or even any synthehol for that matter.
*
So where did he get the booze? The Doctor said he'd been hungover more than once. This was something else I'd have to ask him about.
*
Because the Doctor had mentioned Tom's exhaustion, I decided to let him sleep. Still, I needed to be near him. I shucked my clothes and went to lie beside him.
*
I quietly turned the lights up a bit so I could get a good look at him and saw the lines of fatigue drawn on his face. There were shadows under his eyes and I noticed that even in sleep, his hands were balled into fists.
*
I lay there for a long time, just looking at him, wondering what was going on in his mind. He twitched a couple of times and I could see his eyes moving beneath his eyelids. He was dreaming.
*
Suddenly, he flopped over onto his back and reached out with both hands, seemingly searching for something. One of them landed against my chest and he turned back toward me, scooting closer until he was draped over my body in one of his favorite sleeping positions. He took a deep breath and relaxed somewhat, settling in for the duration.
*
It felt so good to hold him like this. I missed sleeping with him. I pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead and felt his breath tickle my neck. I sighed with pleasure and thought only two more nights of gamma shift, then I could do this again, all night long.
*
Without meaning to, I slipped into a light doze.
*
Some time later, I was awakened by Tom wiggling around in my arms. I loosened my hold on him slightly and he shifted position.
*
I felt the evidence of his unconscious arousal pressing against me and smiled. My poor love, he'd been denied long enough.
*
He began moving against me and I allowed it to happen. He moved tentatively at first then groaned in frustration. He started and stopped in an irregular rhythm. It was as if he were fighting it every thrust of the way. His face scrunched into a frown and he whimpered, "Noooo..."
*
Finally, after fits and starts, he gave in to the pleasure and holding me so tightly that I expected bruises, he came, splattering me with his warm, musky liquid.
*
Thinking he would relax at that point, I was taken by surprise when his eyes shot open and he stared at me. His breathing changed quickly and he whispered, "Cha?"
*
"Yes?" I answered softly as I reached out to stroke his face.
*
He squeezed his eyes shut and said, "Oh gods." When he opened them again, he continued, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do to that. I didn't know you were real."
*
I pulled his chin up and kissed him deeply then said, "It's all right. Your punishment is over." I felt him go completely limp in my embrace.
*
"It is?" he whispered hopefully.
*
"Yes. You've paid for your mistake. It's over and done and I forgive you." I kissed him again, pushing my tongue into his mouth even more forcefully than before.
*
When I freed his lips, he just looked at me with an expression on his face I'd never seen before.
*
Letting my fingers capture some of the semen he'd deposited on my belly, I brought them to my mouth and reveled in the taste of him. Gods, I'd missed this. He wasn't the only one who'd suffered through the last three days.
*
He watched me like a predator does its prey then buried his face between my neck and shoulder. "Oh, Cha...." I felt moisture of a different kind seep onto my skin.
*
I slid my hands under his robe and rubbed his back. "What is it Tom?"
*
He lifted a slightly tear-stained face up to look at me and replied, "I've missed you so much. You have no idea how lonely I've been. I'm so glad you're back."
*
Lonely? "But, Tom, I didn't go anywhere. I've been here the whole time. You were the one so busy that we've had precious little time together."
*
I was mystified by his words. It sounded like all he wanted me for was sex but I couldn't believe that of him. Confused as all hell yet again, I waited patiently for him to explain it to me.
*
He touched my face and shoulders then said, "You're cold. You need to put some clothes on." He cleaned me up with a corner of his robe and stood, tossing his robe into the 'fresher.
*
He still didn't look happy but at least there was some sign of life being expressed in his countenance. He brought my robe to me and helped me into it then pushed me gently into the living area. I watched through the doorway as he went into the bathroom to wash up then went and sat at the table waiting for him to return.
*
I checked the time and was surprised it was almost 2000. I was hungry and thought Tom must be, too. I went to the replicator and ordered soup and crackers for both of us.
*
When he came out, he was naked. He seemed to be a little more at ease but he was not his usual sunny self. We ate silently and quickly. Once our appetites had been appeased, he cleared the table while I went to sit on the sofa. I had several questions in mind but wasn't sure where to begin.
*
Tom joined me and got into his favorite position with his head in my lap, something he hadn't done in days, then closed his eyes. I'd missed this more than I thought. I ran my fingers through his hair and across his shoulder then down his back and up again. After a few minutes of stroking him, I let my left hand caress his face while my right wrapped around his cock.
*
"Tom?"
*
"Mm?"
*
"I have a few things I'd like to ask you before you fall asleep. Open your eyes and look at me."
*
He rolled onto his back, careful not to dislodge my grip on him and said, "Yes, sir."
*
I held his cock gently, not stroking or squeezing, simply claiming it as my own. I reminded myself that it belonged to me and I grasped it possessively.
*
I stared down at Tom and inquired, "What happened earlier?"
*
He looked puzzled. "Earlier when?"
*

"When you apologized for getting off in your sleep," I clarified.
*
"Oh, that." He blushed and a supremely guilty expression crossed his face. Then he confessed, "I thought I was dreaming again."
*
"Again?"
*
"Yeah. If you must know, this has happened at least once a night since you decided to punish me this way." He hesitated before continuing. "It's been so difficult with you working another shift. I go to bed and dream you're with me then I get turned on and wind up humping the mattress. Eventually I wake up and see what I've done."
*
He refused to meet my eyes and went on in a low voice, "I feel so guilty. I know I'm not supposed to touch myself. I'm sorry Cha. I guess I was missing you too much. After it happened I had a tough time getting back to sleep. I'd worry about what you'd do when you found out and I felt like I'd let you down. You can punish me for it and I'll take it without complaining...." He trailed off uncertainly, waiting for my reaction.
*
I was amazed that he'd feel guilty over doing something while he was asleep. Now I understood why he'd made fists before and fought it so much. He was trying to obey me even in slumber.
*
"It's all right Tom. I can't fault you for what you do when you're not awake. I do want to know though, what you did after these events occurred."
*
He mumbled, "I did what I had to do to go back to sleep. I had to report for duty in the morning."
*
"So that's where the drinking comes in?" I asked sharply.
*
His eyes opened widely, fearfully. "How did you find out about that?"
*
I was disappointed that he hadn't admitted it to me but answered gently, "The Doctor noticed and told me. He says you've been depressed lately. He's worried about you as I have been, too."
*
Tom snorted, "What does *he* know about depression? If he thinks this is depression then he hasn't seen the genuine article. Chakotay, I've been upset, worried and scared shitless for the last few days but if I were as depressed as the Doc thinks, trust me, I'd be space dust by now."
*
I sensed a hint of bravado in that statement but decided not to challenge him. Instead, I queried, "Where did you get the booze?"
*
"I traded for it."
*
"Traded what?" I demanded, not wanting to think the worst.
*
He blinked and sighed. "My holoprogramming skills. That's all. I swear. Dalby wanted me to make a special place for him. It's supposed to be a secret but he wants to propose to B'Elanna and have a place where they can honeymoon before the baby is born, that is, if she says yes."
*
"I see." I moved my hand on his cock slightly just to remind him who was in control of it at the moment and queried, "Why have you been scared?"
*
He deflated like a balloon with a semi-slow leak. His legs parted of their own accord, allowing his full vulnerability to be presented to me as he replied quietly, "I was afraid you were going to tell me that you didn't want me anymore. I thought maybe you'd had enough of me and my screw-ups. I figured you were trying to let me down easy, find a new place for me to live, take advantage of the crew rotation to get me used to working without you. You know, do the whole 'let's rearrange our lives' thing."
*
I was shocked by his explanation. Did he have so little faith in me?
*
Before I could answer him, the door chimed.
*
Shoring up my battered ego, I asked, "Tom, do you want to go into the bedroom?"
*
"No. Just throw the blanket over me and let me hide until they go away." He sounded as defeated as I felt and turned onto his side, facing away from me.
*
I grabbed the blanket and covered him from neck to toes then said, "Come."
*
Captain Janeway entered the room and looked us over with a critical eye. "I'm sorry to bother you but I came to ask a favor."
*
Striving for calm, I replied, "What can I do for you?"
*
She glanced briefly at Tom then rested her steady gaze on me. "I'd like to trade shifts with you for the next couple of days. Starting tonight."
*
I was too stunned by what Tom had said to understand her request at first. I thought about it for a few moments then realized it was the best thing that could happen to me at that point. "May I ask why?"
*
She dropped her eyes again to Tom, who had buried his face in my knees and replied as neutrally as ever, "Tuvok took my shift today because I wasn't feeling well. When he goes off duty, he'll need rest. I'd like to share tomorrow with him and also it might be a good thing for the Captain to spend some time with the junior officers without having too many seasoned intermediaries standing between us. So what do you say? Will it interfere with any of your plans?"
*
I tried to think about this critically but my only thought was that I could spend the night with Tom. Leaving all other considerations aside until later, I answered as steadily as I could, "No. Not that I know of. It's fine with me."
*
"All right. Then it's settled. I'll take gamma shift and you take alpha until the end of the week." She smiled at me and shifted her eyes toward Tom meaningfully.
*
I nodded and she left us. I wondered how much of what she'd said had been true. It was obvious to me that she'd spoken with the Doctor. I wondered what he'd told her about us. If he'd said *anything* beyond explaining Tom's depression of the last few days, I vowed I'd decompile his program personally and with great relish.
*
As soon as the doors swished shut, Tom muttered, "Is she gone?"
*
"Yes."
*
"Good." He rolled over again and looked up at me cautiously.
*
"Come up here, I want to hold you."
*
He flung the blanket over the back of the couch haphazardly and sat on my lap with his arms around my neck.
*
I thought about what he'd said before the Captain arrived and putting that together with his actions of the last few days I came up with an incomplete picture. Time to go fishing.
*
"I find it hard to believe that just because I decide not to make love to you for a few days you start thinking I don't want you in my life anymore. How can you doubt me so much? Don't you believe me when I tell you how much you mean to me? Is sex so important to you that it's the only way you can tell I care?" My voice rose with each question revealing the extent of my pain and confusion.
*
He stared at me sadly and caressed my face. "Hell if I know."
*
"Oh that helps," I responded sarcastically.
*
"I'm sorry. All I know is that I'd do *anything* rather than be punished like that again. Please Chakotay, you can take it out on my ass as hard as you want for as long as you want, only never do that to me again. I can't take it. I came as close as I ever have to using my safe words." He whispered the last sentence in my ear.
*
I turned to him and asked, "Then why didn't you? If it upset you that much you should have."
*
He sighed, "I didn't want to risk making you mad. I figured anything I did at that point might be the one thing that drove you away from me completely."
*
I took his chin in my hand and said, "Look at me. I would *never* get angry at you for using your words. That's why you have them. You were being punished Tom. It wasn't meant to be torture. If you can't handle something, you need to let me know. Gods, what do I have to do to get through to you?" Exasperated, I shook my head.
*
"I don't know." He said softly as he rested his head against mine. "I do know that you love me and it wasn't just about the sex either. But the combination of not seeing you, not sleeping with you and not being allowed to love you was just too much."
*
"All right. Now I know that and I promise I'll stick to other methods in the future. I won't put you through that again. But I want you to do one thing for me." I stared at him intently.
*
"What is it? You know I'll do anything you say." Tom sounded almost too eager to please me.
*
I kissed him and stated, "I want you to think of something I can do to prove to you once and for all that I love you and won't ever leave you. I don't want to play 'prove that you love me' games for the rest of my life. Will you do that? Figure out something to put your mind at ease on this issue so we can get past it and move on."
*
He looked surprised, then said, "OK. Can I think about it for a while?"
*
"Take as long as you need. Just let me know what it is you want me to do when you decide."
*
He whispered, "Will do. Thank you, sir."
*
"Are you going to be OK now? No more moping around Sickbay or drinking in the middle of the night?"
*
"Yeah. I feel a lot better than I did. You don't have to worry about me anymore. There is one thing, though."
*
Relieved, I gave him a squeeze and asked, "What's that?"
*
He took a deep breath. "You said my punishment is over, right?"
*
"Right. It's finished."
*
"It doesn't feel like it."
*
"Why not?"
*
"Because you haven't taken care of me yet. It's never over until that happens."
*

"I see." His need for that ritual became abundantly clear at that moment and I said, "You know, the cream will feel chilly."
*
"I don't care."
*
I hugged him tightly and gave his cock a reassuring stroke then said, "All right. You know what to do." As he rose, I reached into the drawer next to me and took out the cream I used to soothe him after he was punished in the usual manner.
*
I moved to the center of the sofa and he took the proper position across my lap.
*
At the first touch, he squawked, "Hey! That's cold!"
*
"I told you it would be. It makes quite a difference when your butt has been thoroughly warmed up beforehand, doesn't it?"
*
"It sure does," he agreed.
*
"Do you want me to stop?"
*
"No! I'll get used to it. I need this...I need you to touch me this way," he admitted quietly.
*
"Why?" I tried warming the cream in my hands before rubbing it over his soft skin. It appeared to help, as his 'oohs and aahs' turned into 'mmmms'.
*
He settled more comfortably in position and replied, "Because it's how I know you've forgiven me. When you try to take the pain away, I know then that everything is all right."
*
"Ah. Is that so?"
*
"Yes, it is."
*
"Well, my love, I have to tell you that you have earned yourself a spanking for not telling me about the drinking."
*
"Yes, sir. When will you do it? Now?"
*
"No. Not tonight. You can, however, expect it first thing tomorrow morning. Understood?"
*
"Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir." He relaxed even further.
*
I knew now why he'd not confessed that particular sin. He needed the pain that physical punishment brought so he could focus and hone his emotions to the sharpness needed to obviate his guilt; burn it away by the heating of his skin. He'd left it out on purpose because although he'd suffered over the last few days, it was suffering of the wrong kind.
*
I smoothed more cream over his soft skin and ordered, "Spread your legs."
*
He did so and I began the next stage in our ritual, finding and paying homage to the hot spot behind his balls. From there I moved through the steps we both expected and enjoyed until I parted his cheeks and delved between them.
*
As my finger entered him, he let loose a huge sigh of relief. I wondered how his enjoyment of this act differed from mine. He still flinched on occasion when I began but he seemed to take pleasure from it anyway.
*
As I stroked him inside and out, I asked, "So Sweetheart, have you decided yet what you want to me do for you?"
*
"Mmm, no. Not yet. I'll tell you right now, it's going to take me at least a few days to decide. Is that OK?"
*
That long? Oh well. "Yes. That's fine. In the mean time, is there anything *else* I can do to help you feel better?" I offered this as a means of reparation for the agony I'd inadvertently put him through with my latest idea of punishment. I couldn't believe he hadn't used his safe words.
*
"Mmm, well, I can think of a few things I'd like. But then I don't know if you'd be up for them."
*
"Why wouldn't I be? I've had plenty of rest, which is more than I can say for you, judging by the way you look." I moved my finger around and plunged it into him more deeply, eliciting a moan.
*
As I pulled out and added another finger, he gasped, "I just meant that I've been deprived for days and you haven't so I don't think you're as desperate as I am."
*
I removed my fingers from his ass and said seriously, "Explain that remark."
*
He turned to look over his shoulder at me and replied, "Well, I'm not allowed to jerk off but you can. I figured you were taking care of your business every time you showered."
*
I raised my hand deliberately and brought it down on his bottom hard. Just once and smack in the middle.
*
He yelped. "What was that for?"
*
I looked at the handprint I'd left there and replied, "Get up before I do it again."
*
He moved fast.
*
I rose and stood before him stating, "Don't you dare make assumptions like that about me. I'll have you know that every shower I've taken in the last few days has been a cold one. I wouldn't deny you without doing the same to myself. Now go get ready for bed. When I come in, I want you in position and waiting for me. Clear?"
*
He gulped and looked ashamed. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir. Cha, I didn't know...."
*
"Just go."
*
He went.
*
I tidied up the living area and put away the cream. I let my momentary anger dissipate into the emotional ether and sat for a minute trying to gather my thoughts. I needed to meditate. I also needed to fuck Tom.
*
He was tired; my mind was awhirl with all I'd learned today and we both had to work in the morning. I heard him rustling around in the bedroom and looked down at my robe which resembled a tent. My taking care of him almost always led to this and I smiled to myself thinking that meditation could wait. I had a perfect ass just waiting for me to fuck it in the next room.
*
I got up and doused the lights. Entering the bedroom, I saw Tom on the bed, head down and ass up, waiting for me as instructed. The kicker that brought a smile to my face was the tube of lube he'd set atop his butt. It was balanced there somewhat precariously. If he moved much it would roll off. This was a nice display of his physical self-control and I appreciated it.
*
Grinning, I removed my robe and reached for the lube. I kneeled behind Tom and rubbed the tube between his cheeks saying, "Is this supposed to be a hint?"
*
"I just wanted it to be handy for you, that's all." He mumbled into the pillow beneath his face.
*
I coated my erection and replied, "You succeeded."
*
Without preamble, I gripped his cheeks and parted them, sliding just the head of my cock inside him. I stopped, determined to draw this out. I'd been waiting for days to do this and all the while he was getting off in his sleep.
*
He began to push back but I swatted him once on each cheek. "Did I say you could move?"
*
"No, sir," he ground out. His breathing grew harsher and I knew then that his need was as great as mine.
*
"Then don't. Be still."
*
Slowly, maddeningly, I entered him and stopped again, feeling his heat pulse around me. He wanted me to move so badly, he was quivering. I remained buried to the hilt inside him then leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him.
*
I began to move in and out very slowly, keeping my thrusts gentle yet deep. He stayed still, taking my weight and allowing me to move as I wished. I did not touch his cock or anything else. I held him tightly and concentrated on filling him, over and over again.
*
Gradually I increased the speed and intensity of my motion, letting us rise together in passion, building toward climax. He emitted gasps and low moans upon my every in-stroke until he finally came with a whimper followed immediately by a long, deep groan.
*
I felt him struggle to support my weight and eased off him, sitting back on my heels pulling him along with me. He leaned back, resting against my chest while sitting impaled on my hard, thick cock.
*
I let him rest for a moment as gravity forced him down on me as far as he could go, then I gripped his hips and lifted him then pulled him back down hard.
*
I kept it up, moving him this way and that until my orgasm overtook me and left me clinging to Tom, holding him in place on my lap with his head lolling on my shoulder.
*
I felt both empty and fulfilled. Tom was approaching comatose at this point and I decided it was time to put him to bed. I reached over and between his legs for the towel he'd placed on the bed to catch his semen and used a dry area to clean his flaccid dick.
*
Then I carefully lifted him off my softening cock and laid him gently on his stomach. I wiped the lube and semen off myself then spread his cheeks and blotted up the excess moisture there.
*
Tossing the towel aside, I joined him in bed and brought the covers up and over us. I held him in my arms and gave him a goodnight kiss but he didn't notice. When I was certain he'd remain sleeping, I got up and went to meditate.
*
I had a feeling it would be a long session this time. As I gathered my medicine bundle and made my preparations, I wondered what Tom would come up with to prove to himself that I loved him and in fact had made the commitment to keep him for life, which I'd done when I had accepted him.
*
I moved into the living area and let the door to the bedroom close behind me.
*
Knowing Tom, it could be anything from some small, private action on my part to him requesting a tattoo like mine on his ass. Who knew?
*
With that thought and its attendant interesting mental picture, I tried to clear my mind and get in touch with the deeper layers of myself. Gods knew I needed it after a day like today.

END OF PART 24

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Taming of Tom Paris, Conclusion