Taming of Tom Paris, Part 18


By Britta


We woke up early. I checked the time and discovered that we had a good 30 minutes we could spend snuggling together.
*
After a good morning smooch or two, I said, "So tell me about last night."
*
Tom shifted his position and replied, "Well, first off, I went to meet with Kathryn. Then just as we were getting started, Tuvok showed up. He told us he'd come to offer his assistance and share his skills as a holoprogrammer."
*
I smiled at this while he yawned.
*
"So he joined us, making sure to sit between us and stayed there the whole time. And I thought you were kidding about him earlier. Anyway, he turned out to be very helpful and whatever we don't finish tonight, I'm sure the two of them can complete without me." He sounded a little sad.
*
I stroked his hair and asked, "Did anything else happen?"
*
He smiled wickedly and answered, "I ran into Harry on the way home and he asked me if he could be the captain of an all-female bowling team."
*
I chuckled at that and Tom continued, "I think he just wants to keep his harem together. All those women fawning over him. I can see it now...they'll be fighting among themselves to see who gets to buy him drinks, who gets to shine his bowling ball, who gets to suck him off after the game is over--"
*
Clearing my throat, I interrupted him, saying, "That's quite a picture you've painted. I'll be sure to watch whenever his team is playing. It sounds like it should be very amusing."
*
He moved closer to me and said seriously, "There's one more thing I want to tell you."
*
"What's that?" I looked at him curiously.
*
"I got home a lot later than I said I would. It was closer to an hour after I commed you instead of the 30 minutes I thought it would be. I'm sorry."
*
"Well, you were with the Captain, I'm sure you didn't want to be rude and go rushing off in the middle of things."
*
"No. It wasn't like that. I said I ran into Harry, well, I did and we stopped by Sandrine's. I thought I had enough time for a beer before making it home on time but before I knew it, 45 minutes had slipped by. I felt rotten when I got home to see you nodding away on the couch, waiting up for me. If I had commed you again, you could have gone to bed and been comfy." He looked and sounded genuinely repentant. I appreciated it but still....
*
I sighed. He had been doing so well lately and now this. We were going to have to talk about this later.
*
I caressed his face and gazed into his eyes. "I told you what would happen if you were late again."
*
"Yes, I know. You said I'd get the strap." He grimaced, "Will you do it now?"
*
I took his chin in my hand and replied, "If I do it now, I won't have time to take care of you afterward. In this instance, I'll give you a choice. I can do it now or at lunch or if you really want to wait, this evening. You *will* be punished sometime today but I will allow you to choose when. Furthermore, there will be one extra lash for not telling me about this last night. Is that understood?"
*
He blinked. "Yes, sir."
*
"Then make up your mind. We have to get ready for duty soon." I watched various expressions flit across his face as he thought it over.
*
A moment or two later, he decided and said, "Not now because I'll be at the helm all morning and not this evening because I don't want to be squirming in front of the Captain and probably Tuvok. Lunch time is best. I'll be in Sickbay after that and the Doc usually keeps me on my feet. Is that OK with you?" He looked at me contritely and I knew he felt bad but my rules were there for a reason.
*
"Yes, it's fine. Com me when you're ready. I'll be in my office all morning." I touched his shoulder and tried to convey to him that this wasn't something I was looking forward to particularly.
*
Why the hell did he do it? I had to wonder.
*
Resigned, he answered, "Yes, sir. I'll do that."
*
I sighed again, this time silently, thinking that my lunch hour was not going to be spent the way I'd envisioned.
*
We got out of bed then, Tom somewhat subdued. I hugged him and asked, "Will you be all right?"
*
He threw his arms around me and hugged me back hard. "I'll be OK. It's...just that I--" He tried to explain but I cut him off.
*
"Tom, don't. Not now. We'll talk later. I mean it. We *will* discuss this." I kissed him and we moved into the shower. He efficiently washed and dried us both and by the time we got out and dressed, he seemed fine.
*
We went off to breakfast and then our respective jobs. I knew that once he was flying, he'd forget all about everything else.
*
I spent the morning in my office dealing with various First Officer-type chores. It was mind-numbing enough so that I didn't have to think too much about anything. Still, there were moments when thoughts of disciplining Tom intruded. I had to wonder yet again, why did he invite it? Was it done deliberately? I thought that he had developed the self-control to avoid it.
*
There was obviously something he needed that I couldn't provide in any other way. What was it? He'd told me that he didn't like the pain and I knew now that there was more involved on my part than providing it.
*
This wasn't just about making a mistake and paying for it anymore. He'd done that often in the past but I thought for sure he'd outgrown that stage. He'd been wonderful lately. Why would he screw up now?
*
Could I be neglecting him in some way?
*
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that we needed to talk. I had a feeling that his embarrassment about stating his needs was what led him to do the things he did. I was determined to get this out in the open no matter what. Perhaps our lunch hour would stretch out a little longer.
*
I contacted the Doctor and explained that Tom and I might need some time in the early afternoon. He was amenable and agreed that Tom could go to Sickbay whenever I released him. No doubt he thought we'd be working together. If he only knew....
*
I went back to my reports and lost myself in the minutiae of daily life aboard a starship.
*
Finally, Tom commed me. "Paris to Chakotay." He sounded a little tense.
*
"Chakotay here," I answered calmly.
*
"I'm home."
*
"All right. Get into position and wait for me. I'll be there shortly," I ordered.
*
"Yes, sir."
*
"Chakotay out."
*
I finished the report I had in hand and set it aside. Mentally putting on my 'Master' hat, I went home, prepared to administer punishment to the one I loved.
*
I also steeled myself for the discussion that would follow.
*
Entering our quarters I saw Tom, naked, bent over the table, legs spread wide with the strap placed beside him.
*
I leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, stroked his hair gently then straightened and intoned, "There will be one lash for every five minutes you were late over your estimate of 30 minutes. You said it was another 30 minutes. Is that correct?"
*
"Yes, sir," he confirmed.
*
I picked up the strap and uncurled it. "Are you ready?"
*
He sighed and closed his eyes. "Yes, sir."
*
I raised my arm and brought it down, laying the strap smartly across his ass. The next five lashes followed in quick succession, blanketing the tender skin with a criss-cross pattern of stripes.
*
Then I paused and stated, "This one is for not telling me last night. We could've taken care of this then and not had to spend our lunch time in this manner." I brought the strap down once more, then rolled it up and went to put it away.
*
I spent a few minutes in the bedroom, thinking. This had not brought me the satisfaction that normally came when I had to mete out discipline. I felt like I had done it for the wrong reasons. Even though I knew I was sticking to my word, I was troubled. I knew that there was something going on under the surface and I didn't like not knowing for certain what it was.
*
Returning to Tom's side, I helped him rise. He clung to me for a few moments and rested his head on my shoulder. I kissed his forehead and said quietly, "Come. Let me take care of you now."
*
I led him to the couch silently and he placed himself over my lap. I saw that he had set out the soothing cream to be within my easy reach. Hmm, it appeared that this part of the ritual was important to him.
*
As I smoothed a large glob of the cool substance over his reddened skin, I commanded softly, "Talk to me, Tom."
*
He let out a huge breath and replied equally softly, "What do you want me to say?"
*
"Tell me what you're feeling right now. All of it." I continued rubbing gently, waiting.
*
He wiggled a little and turned his face away from me. "I don't know how to explain it. I feel a lot of different things all at once."
*
I became disturbed. This was the first time he'd turned away from me. This wasn't good. I stroked his neck with my left hand and let it wander slowly down his back until I parted his cheeks and let my right hand go exploring between them.
*
He spread his legs and I added more cream to the surface of his ass. I rubbed his anus lightly and he began to relax.
*
As I gradually inserted a finger inside him, he turned his head toward me but closed his eyes so I wouldn't be able to see into his soul. I waited and watched until eventually he gave up all resistance and began to speak to me.
*
"Cha, I don't know why I did it. It wasn't a conscious decision on my part. I know you haven't had to punish me like this in a long time. I wish I understood why I fucked up. But I don't."
*
I gently twisted my finger inside him, pushing it in deeper and inquired, "What is it that I'm not giving you? What are you missing?"
*
He clenched his muscles around my finger and replied, "This. There's a feeling I get when you take care of me this way. And no, it's not the same as when you're getting ready to fuck me. It's different."
*
"How? Tell me." I kept my voice as neutral as I could.
*
"It has to do with losing myself, I think."
*
"Losing yourself? Explain." He still wouldn't look at me but at least he was facing me again and for that I was grateful.
*
He sucked in a deep breath and let it out. "I can forget who I am sometimes when I'm with you. Especially after I've been punished. Then I can concentrate on the pain and the love you show me when it's over. I'm able to let go of my guilt and have no regrets." His eyes opened suddenly and he stared at me. "Do you know how wonderful it feels to have no guilt? For just the smallest amount of time?"
*
So that was it. My love was using this to handle the horrors of his past. I had suspected as much. My heart went out to him although, I wished I knew of a better way for him to deal with it. Hearing him admit it gave me a great deal of satisfaction. Still, I wanted to understand more.
*
"No, I don't. Tell me how me it feels." I removed my finger and applied more cream to his heated skin.
*
He answered sincerely, "It's the best feeling I know. I feel clean." He squirmed a bit as I caressed the sensitive flesh behind his balls.
*
"What else do you feel right now?" I kept my voice low, inviting him to share more of the truth with me.
*
"I feel safe...protected...forgiven...and loved." He closed his eyes again and sighed, as if it were an exhausting ordeal to put his feelings into words.
*
It was so difficult for him to articulate his emotions. I reflected on that as I slowly and purposefully slid my finger inside him once again.
*
We remained silent while I massaged him both inside and out for a few minutes, each of us enjoying this intimate connection in our own way.
*
After a while, I calmly stated, "You mentioned there were other times when you can lose yourself when you're with me. Tell me about them."
*
He opened his eyes but just stared blankly at the back of the couch. "Sometimes it happens when we make love. When you've told me what to do, what to think about. I can concentrate on pleasing you to the exclusion of all else. It's like I exist only to bring you pleasure and there's no room for anything more."
*
"I see."
*
"Do you?" He shifted his gaze to me and continued intently, "Do you have any idea how good it makes me feel when I'm so focused on your happiness that it's the only thing that matters at that moment? Because when that happens, I'm not me anymore. It's like I've become a part of you and that absolves me somehow. I feel whole and strong and amazed by it all."
*
I reached out and touched his face, cupping his jaw in my hand while he squeezed his eyes shut. "Tom? Why do you feel 'amazed'?"
*
A small voice murmured, "Because it's you. Because you are everything I'm not."
*
"BULLSHIT."
*
His eyes flew open and he stared at me incredulously.
*
Before he could rebut my statement, I said emphatically, "You are you! One of the most accomplished people I've ever met. You have gone through more hells than I can imagine and you've come out of them, not unscathed but a lot tougher. In the time I've known you, I've seen you grow and adapt to new situations, sometimes under terrible circumstances. You are a strong person. A strong man. Don't you *ever* sell yourself short or put yourself down. I won't tolerate it."
*
I stared at him for a moment or two, trying to impress upon him my faith in his worth.
*
I continued more quietly, "I also want you to know that I don't fall in love with habitual losers...and I am in love with you. So don't you think for one moment that you don't deserve to have the very best.
*
"Think about it, sweetheart. If you think I'm so wonderful and I choose to be with you, then you must be pretty wonderful, too." I stroked his prostate deliberately and smiled at him.
*
The look on his face at that instant was worth all the replicator rations we had in our account. I pulled my finger out and helped him to turn over and sit up.
*
Sore butt and all, he hugged me fiercely until I scooted over and lay on my back easing him down on top of me. No need to make him suffer any more than he had already today.
*
I kissed him and patted his back and shoulders while he settled on top of me like hot fudge over ice cream.
*

Pulling the blanket down over him, I let him rest. He'd be of little use to the Doctor this afternoon but that was no big deal. We both had been through the emotional wringer in the last hour and I was determined to prove to Tom that he was indeed safe, loved, protected and as cherished as I could make him feel.
*
The guilt and forgiveness were things we would tackle together but I had no doubt that we'd find an acceptable solution.
*
A little while later, he stirred and said, "I'd better get going or the Doc will come looking for me."
*
"Are you sure you're up to it?" I asked.
*
"Yeah, I'm fine. You can let go of me now." He pushed himself up when I released him, then leaned back down for a quick kiss.
*
I sat up and watched him get dressed. What he'd said had given me a lot to think about. When he was ready to leave, I stood up to join him at the door. "Take it easy this afternoon. I'll see you at dinner."
*
He smiled at my concern, kissed me and whispered in my ear, "Yes, sir."
*
I wasn't back on duty more than half an hour when the Doctor commed me and tersely requested my presence in Sickbay. My first thought was that something had happened to Tom.
*
I raced through the door not knowing what to expect, only to find Tom standing there, his arms folded across his chest with a scowl on his somewhat red face.
*
The Doctor was staring back at him imperturbably. "Ah, Commander. So good of you to arrive so quickly. Maybe now we can get this cleared up."
*
"Get what cleared up? What's going on?" I glanced at Tom but he just clamped his lips shut more tightly.
*
The Doctor, on the other hand, had no problem speaking. "It appears that Lieutenant Paris has been in an altercation of some sort. He has refused to let me treat him and has not, in fact, said one word to me despite my numerous questions. Perhaps you can talk some sense into him."
*
I was confused. "An altercation? What leads you to that conclusion?" Tom looked fine to me.
*
"Well, if you must know, earlier--"
*
Tom cut him off quickly, "Doc, it doesn't matter. It's none of your business. Cha, can you order him to leave me alone or something?"
*
I had to find out what was going on. "Tom, may I speak with you for a minute, privately?"
*
The Doctor took the hint and went into his office, leaving us alone.
*
"What happened? What is he talking about? Are you OK?" I rattled these questions off in a low voice, looking at Tom critically, wondering what the Doctor saw that I didn't.
*
He moved to stand very close to me, his embarrassment becoming more evident and said with mild amusement, "He saw me flinch when I went to sit down at the terminal for a minute, whipped out a tricorder and tried to scan me. I think he thinks I got my butt kicked. He wants to know who did it and keeps asking me if I want to press charges for assault. I didn't know what to do except refuse to answer. I didn't want to cause any problems for you if he found out."
*
"I see. Let me go talk to him." I patted his shoulder reassuringly. This was going to be one of those things I was certain we would be able to laugh about later.
*
As I entered the Doctor's office, he rose to face me. "Well? Did he tell you what happened? Has he consented to be treated?"
*
"Doctor," I began seriously, "I know what happened. It's a private matter and Lieutenant Paris does not wish to discuss it. He also refuses treatment and is within his rights to do so. I strongly suggest you drop the subject and never mention it again to anyone for any reason. Is that clear?"
*
He stated emphatically, "But Commander! Mr. Paris has been assaulted. The readings I saw before he grabbed the tricorder out of my hand indicated he was suffering from surface trauma to his posterior. It appeared that he'd been beaten. I don't understand why you would take his side in this situation. I would think that you, of all people, would want the guilty party to be brought to justice." He eyed me with growing suspicion.
*
I replied evenly, "Doctor, whether or not you understand, it is his wish that you do not pursue this and I concur. I also ask that you make no mention of it in his medical record."
*
He huffed at me, "I couldn't do that even if I wanted to unless he sought my assistance or was brought here in an unconscious state."
*
Before he could continue his lecture I said, "Good. So you agree to let things lie and leave him alone?"
*
He paused at the hopeful tone of my voice and I could practically see him running subroutine after subroutine trying to make sense of this incident. Eventually he agreed, "I have no choice. If he doesn't want my help, then I cannot force him to accept it."
*
I just nodded and went out to Tom, leaving the Doctor to come to his own conclusions. Little did I know that he watched us as I took Tom into my arms and kissed him, explaining what had transpired.
*
He sagged with relief and I patted his butt gently then left him to work the rest of his shift.
*
I only found out what happened after I left when Tom and I met for dinner.
*
We tried to eat in the mess hall as often as we could to save our rations for the more important things. That evening I arrived first and chose a table in the corner where I could wait for Tom and watch the rest of the people in the room at the same time.
*
He came in looking somewhat worn out. I rose to greet him and we went to get our food. Upon returning to our table, I asked, "What's wrong? You look like hell."
*
He shrugged tiredly and answered, "I don't know what you said to him but the Doc figured it out."
*
"Figured *what* out?"
*
Tom just looked at me steadily, "He knows, Cha."
*
I finally tumbled to it. "Oh, gods. Is this going to be a problem for you?" I was worried.
*
He sat up a little straighter and replied, "No. I told him that if he even so much as tried to make an issue of it that I'd do nasty things to his matrix. I also reminded him of the confidentiality clause that all doctors are subject to." He grinned evilly at that and I couldn't help but smile back.
*
Before I could say anything in return, the Captain and Tuvok joined us at the table.
*
"Excuse us for interrupting, but we'd like to speak with you." The Captain had her most diplomatic expression pasted on her face.
*
Tom and I both nodded and indicated the chairs next to us.
*
They sat down and Tuvok explained that they had finished the bowling alley program earlier that day. Tom wouldn't have to spend any more time working on it.
*
Personally, I was relieved. That meant Tom and I could spend the evening together. After a day like this one, I thought we needed it.
*
He was very gracious despite being dismissed in such a manner and I was proud of him. They took it in stride and we finished our meals together. After some discussion, it was decided that the grand opening of the bowling alley would be held in two days time.
*
After dinner, we leisurely headed for our quarters hand-in-hand.
*
Then suddenly, I felt the overwhelming urge to do something unusual, something crazy. Without any warning, I pulled Tom into the nearest unoccupied observation lounge and pounced on him.
*
"Engage privacy lock," I rapped out as I backed him up against the wall and proceeded to unfasten his trousers.
*
"Cha! What's come over you?" he asked, bewildered.
*
"Nothing yet. But you will...over my tongue, that is," I managed to reply while pulling his pants to his knees.
*
I dropped down and practically inhaled his cock. The scent and taste of him ignited me into a frenzy of sucking and licking.
*
He quickly hardened in my mouth, a sensation I'm very partial to and I soon had him moaning. It was as if my lips and tongue drew the blood from his brain directly into his cock making it extend just for me.
*
I threaded my fingers through his pubic hair and pressed hard with the flat of my hand, pinning his ass against the cool wall, preventing him from thrusting into my mouth.
*
*I* decided on the speed and depth of penetration he would experience, not him. I took my time and tasted him carefully, completely, cupping his balls in my other hand so I could rub my chin over them on the downstroke.
*
He had both arms pressed palms-down on the wall, reaching unsuccessfully to find something to grab onto to hold himself steady.
*
I tortured him with my teeth, dragging them along his rigid shaft slowly, exerting the tiniest amounts of pressure in strategic places until he was almost afraid to move.
*
Then, with a burst of energy, I took him deep into my throat and held him there. Finally pulling back, I began an erratic rhythm that kept him on the edge for several minutes.
*
When his legs began to shake with tension, I increased my efforts and he came, gloriously, shouting unintelligible nonsense to the stars outside the viewport which were the only witnesses to my act of unbridled lust.
*
I licked him clean, kissed him done and put his jewels away, taking the time to straighten out his uniform. Then I rose to my feet, brought him into my arms and kissed him until he all but collapsed against me.
*
I moved us over to a small, nearby sofa and waited quietly until he regained his composure.
*
A few moments later, he murmured, "You are a madman. I can't believe you did this to me. In here, of all places...."
*
I leaned over, nibbled his neck a bit and whispered, "Next time, I'll place your bare ass against the viewport and you can moon the entire Delta Quadrant while I suck you off."
*
His eyes widened and he said, "You wouldn't! Would you?"
*
I grinned widely enough that I felt my dimples appear and said, "You'll just to have to wait and see, won't you?"
*
He sighed and shook his head, looking at me with amusement.
*
I stood and pulled him to his feet. "Let's go home. I have more plans for you this evening," I stated as I gripped his ass with both hands.
*
He twitched reflexively as I rubbed my crotch against his and responded respectfully, "Yes, sir."
*
I sensed then that he had slipped into that wonderful, pliant state of mind where he could lose himself in my presence. I moved to his side and put my arm around him. Disengaging the privacy lock, we entered the corridor only to be greeted by a small crowd of people, all staring at us avidly.
*
Feeling Tom tense, I said in a voice for his ears alone, "Ignore them."
*
As we walked away from the lingering stares and titters of laughter, I berated myself for not remembering to call for sound suppression when I'd engaged the privacy lock. Oh, well. I was becoming used to making mistakes by this time.
*
At least no one really knew what went on in there, except us.
*
I grinned inwardly at just what did happen and promised myself it would happen again. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more places aboard ship came to mind. This was going to be lots of fun.

END OF PART 18

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Taming of Tom Paris, Part 19