Taming of Tom Paris, Part 15


By Britta


I heard something and opened my eyes to see Tom standing over me with a medical tricorder in his hand and a huge frown on his face.
*
"What are you doing?" I asked.
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"I'm making sure you're OK."
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"You don't have to do that."
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"Yes I do. Don't argue with me."
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I was about to speak again, when he cut me off by saying sharply, "Shut up, Chakotay. I came home to find you naked on the floor by the bed scaring me half to death. I'll check you out if only to give myself some peace of mind."
*
"I'm fine."
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He waved the tricorder at me. "This thing agrees with you." He shot me an annoyed glance and started removing his clothes.
*
I turned my face to the wall and tried to go back to sleep. I didn't have the energy for any big discussions right then. I still felt like shit.
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A few minutes later, he asked, "Why are you down there without any blankets or pillows?"
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"I have my reasons. Go to bed, Tom."
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He went into the bathroom and I listened to him prepare for sleep.
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A minute later he ordered the lights off, then I felt him spoon up behind me. I sighed, "What do you think you're doing? I told you to go to bed."
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"I'm trying. If you'd just scoot over a little, I'd have more room."
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"Tom, I meant go to bed *in* the bed."
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"Cha, I sleep with you. End of discussion." He snuggled closer to me and wrapped his arm around my chest.
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"This isn't necessary."
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"Yes it is," he answered patiently.
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"Why?"
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"Because you aren't talking to me. I don't know if this is my fault or not."
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"It is most definitely NOT your fault."
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"Well then, either you're punishing yourself for some strange reason or you're having a mid-life crisis a couple of decades early. Either way, you aren't going through it alone."
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I sighed again. Mid-life crisis. That almost made me laugh. "I appreciate the sentiment but you don't have to suffer for my sins."
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"Yes I do."
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"What! Why?"
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"Oh, you know, because I love you. Whither thou goest and all that crap. Cha, you're obviously upset about something. I won't leave you down here all alone and you can't make me."
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Shit, the Paris stubborn streak made its appearance. I knew no amount of arguing would get him to change his mind.
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He continued, "I don't care if you beat me black and blue for disobeying you, I am not leaving your side until duty calls. If you want to stay down here and spend a chilly night on a hard surface, that's fine with me. I want you to know though, that I think you wanting me to sleep without you is selfish. Why deny me the pleasure of your arms around me when I didn't do anything wrong? Hmm?" I felt a gentle kiss on my shoulder.
*
Oh boy, now the silver-tongued diplomatic genes were being activated. I didn't stand a chance. Damn. My only option was to give in gracefully. "OK. You win."
*
He sat up and ordered the lights on. Tugging me to my feet, he then whipped back the bedcovers and unceremoniously stuffed me into bed climbing over me and snuggling close. He killed the lights and whispered in my ear, "Please, Cha, don't ever do that again. You really scared me."
*
I held him tightly and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I won't do it again. I promise." Great. Now I had something else to feel bad about.
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"Good. Whatever it is that's bothering you, I wish it would go away. If it won't and you want to tell me about it, I'm here for you." He kissed me and moved even closer.
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I replied softly, "Thank you. I'll tell you about it if and when I can. Oh, one other thing, I would *never* beat you black and blue for any reason, least of all for caring about me. Got that?"
*
"Yes, sir."
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"Good."
*
I resolved to fast all day tomorrow. It was Tom's day off. He'd never know and so wouldn't worry. With that last thought running through my mind, I fell asleep.
*
I woke up early and slipped out of bed determined not to wake him. I showered and dressed, placed a kiss on his forehead and sneaked out as quietly as I could.
*
Fasting today would let me prepare for a marathon session with my spirit guide tomorrow, which was my day off. I had a feeling it would be one of the most intense meditations I would ever experience.
*
I went to my office and spent some time dealing with unexciting reports, then went to see the Captain. She'd put in more than her fair share of bridge duty while we were in this star desert, especially since my injury occurred, several weeks ago. I was determined to make it up to her so I suggested that she go off and play in the labs and let me take the bridge all day long.
*
She willingly agreed and departed for the lower decks, leaving me in charge of nothing very challenging except my own thoughts.
*
Fasting is a good way to purify the mind. And I needed mine purified badly. I spent the morning avoiding Tom and thinking about every assumption I'd ever made about him. Then I took into account everyone else on the ship. After that, everyone else I'd ever known in my entire life.
*
I couldn't believe my own arrogance. How the hell did I get this way? Why did Tom put up with me? I didn't know what to do to redress the wrongs I felt I'd committed. They weren't necessarily discrete errors but more like a long, continuous spectrum of misconceptions on my part. I began to doubt myself in all ways.
*
Lunchtime arrived and Tom asked me to join him. I begged off saying that I couldn't leave the bridge. I spent about ten minutes doing actual work by checking up on every station. Luckily for me, nothing went wrong.
*
The afternoon dragged for the others on the bridge but I was still so lost in thought that it didn't even register that my shift was over until Tuvok actually had to touch me to get my attention when he relieved me of duty. I thanked him distractedly and left the bridge only to go to my office where I could be alone for a little while.
*
I checked the time and found it was close to when Tom would expect me for dinner. I commed him and made my apologies in advance explaining that I needed to get caught up on the cross-training schedules. I promised to see him later, after he met with the Captain.
*
Although I wasn't in the mood to do it, I did go over the schedules and found a few conflicts which were quickly resolved. I wished my mental turmoil was as easily dealt with. I drank a large glass of water and went home.
*
Once there, I changed into my robe and looked for Tom's vid. It wasn't in its usual place. I finally found it in the viewer. It seemed Tom had made another entry. I was curious but decided to stick to my plan of watching it in order. I cued the vid back to my marker and began the playback.
*
Tom was wearing his robe and looked like he was ready for bed. He said softly, "Well, I got what I wanted. All of it and so much more." He paused and smiled. "I don't know where to begin. I'm still on overload. I think I'm in love."
*
He shifted forward in the chair and leaned toward the screen. "My ass is sore...but it was more than worth it. I can't believe I worried about him hurting me. The sex was so good, I think he's ruined me for anyone else. There's just no way to describe how good everything felt. I think part of it is the head trip of belonging to him. There's something special that happens to me when I let him call all the shots."
*
He sighed deeply and reached for the mug that sat to his left. After taking a sip of whatever it held, he continued, "I almost blew the whole thing, though. I can't believe I made such a dumb move. It turns out my going to the Captain wasn't such a great idea. I hurt him by doing that. He got upset and when I realized why, I felt terrible.
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"He punished me for it. I could've stopped him if I'd wanted to but I didn't, because that wouldn't have solved anything. As it was, it cleared the air between us and now I know what the strap feels like. He was right...the pain is different.
*
"Other than that, which I deserved, and a couple of swats to keep me in line, it was a perfect night. And then again in the morning, too. Wow! What can I say? Amazing, incredible, fantastic? There just aren't enough words to do it justice." He stared down at the table top in front of him for a long moment.
*
When he looked up again, an expression of pure awe crossed his face. "He let me make love to him. I still can't get over it. I thought he'd be completely against the idea, you know, top man or die but he wasn't like that at all. Even when he let me do what I wanted, I still knew he was in charge. How does he do it? How does he make me feel the way I do when I'm with him? One of these days, I'm going to figure it out."
*
His sipped some more of his beverage and scratched his nose. A tiny frown appeared on his face and I immediately began to worry. I paused the vid for a moment and got up to get a glass of water. Up until now, viewing this entry had done a lot to make me feel better. Still, I wondered what would make him frown.
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"Resume playback."
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"I did do something that has me a little worried. It was when I was bathing him, which I have to say I enjoy doing very much. Being able to touch him like that...it's such a turn on. Anyway, I managed to do it right, I guess, because he didn't swat me once." He smiled widely, pride flowing outward in waves.
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"Well, I made a deal with him so that I could indulge myself a little and in exchange for allowing me that liberty, I agreed to...uh, how did he put it? Um, oh yeah, 'a trip over his knee.' He said it would be different this time." His face turned pink and the entry abruptly ended.
*
That got a smile out of me. He still couldn't say the word. I decided I'd had enough for the evening. Viewing this had restored at least a semblance of a good mood and I didn't want to take any chances.
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I put the vid away and checked the time. I dealt with some of the less pressing matters a First Officer handles and waited for Tom to come home.
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When he arrived, the first thing he did was call for the time.
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"2153."
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He looked at me, radiating satisfaction and said, "See, Cha, I'm on a roll. Second night in a row that I've made it home on time." He grinned and started removing his clothes on the way to the bedroom.
*
Seeing him so happy made me think that maybe I wasn't such a bad guy after all. I promised myself I wouldn't indulge in any self-pitying or stupid actions in front of Tom again. He was right last night in that I was being selfish not taking into account his feelings about sleeping alone or his fears when he saw me on the floor. No matter what, I had to make sure I didn't let my insecurities upset him. I had an obligation to keep him happy and I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let him down again.
*
He came back out into the living area and plopped himself onto my lap, straddling me on the chair.
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"I missed you today." He kissed me and stroked my face, looking into my eyes as if he could see things there that I wasn't aware were showing.
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"I missed you, too. Care to tell me all about your day off?" I hugged him to me and ran my hands up and down his bare back as he lowered his head and kissed me again.
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"My day was just fine, except for the fact that I didn't get to spend any of it with you. I had both breakfast and lunch with Harry and was treated to yet more of his sexcapades in glorious detail."
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I inquired, "So is he satisfied? Is he getting enough action? Is he going to drive you nuts telling you all about those willing women just waiting to be fucked by studly young men such as yourselves?"
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"Cha! What are you getting at? Is that what's been bugging you? You think I want to go back to what I had before, is that it?"
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"No. That's not it. I just wondered if listening to Harry's adventures made you miss women."
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He looked at me skeptically as if he wasn't sure he believed me. "No. I don't miss women. As a matter of fact, hearing Harry ramble on about his love life has made me really appreciate what you and I have together. I wouldn't trade five minutes with you for a week with anyone else. I mean that. You are everything to me. I love you."
*
He leaned down for another kiss and I thought he was being very careful to reassure me. His hands found their way inside my robe and his lips moved to my ear where he whispered, "Let me show you how much I love you. Please, sir?"
*
I squeezed his ass and thought about what I'd seen on his vid earlier. Getting fucked sounded like a great idea and I knew Tom would be thrilled to oblige me. Besides, maybe it would make up for scaring him last night.
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I took his face in my hands and stared into his eyes. "I'm all yours tonight. I want you to fuck me so hard I forget who I am." I ended the command with a kiss so intense we almost fell off the chair.
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His eyes lit up like miniature supernovas and he growled at me, "Yes, sir, anything you say." Then his mouth swooped down on mine and stayed there for the longest time.
*
He peeled the robe off my shoulders and ran his hands all over me. I clutched his ass and stood up. He wrapped his legs around me and I carried him to the bedroom. When I sat down on the edge of the bed, he exploded into action. My robe was hastily removed and tossed aside then he pushed me down to lie on my back. His mouth was everywhere. His fingers stroking, pinching, gripping me in places I'd forgotten I had.
*
I guess going two days without sex turned Tom into a loving maniac. He pleasured me every way he knew how. I was turned over and back more than once. I couldn't even begin to keep up with him so I just tried to hang on and enjoy the ride. Finally, he slowed down a little and concentrated on giving me the blowjob of a lifetime.
*
After I came, he sat back on his heels, wiped his mouth with his hand and said, "That was just to take the edge off. Now the real fun begins."
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He grinned at me then planted a kiss on my lips.
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Oh gods, I felt half shredded already. What else could he do to me?
*

He flipped me over onto my stomach and started rubbing my back. He attacked every tense muscle with determination until I was as limp as wilted lettuce. Then his touch turned into a caress and gradually I was brought back to full arousal. He lifted me to my hands and knees and buried his face between my asscheeks, one hand fondling my cock and balls until I was groaning with renewed desire.
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In a moment of clarity, I reached under the pillows and grabbed the lube, pressing it into Tom's hand. He got the message and before I knew it he was pushing into me. It felt wonderful. He paused considerately and gave me time to adjust but I didn't want to wait and shoved back against him, impaling myself to the hilt.
*
He pulled out slowly, then drove back inside me with a vengeance. I loved it. All I could do between moans was pant, "Harder!" I braced myself against the onslaught of Tom's sexual energy and became almost dizzy with the sensations swirling around and through me.
*
I had no idea how long he kept it up but by the time he came, I was beyond caring. I was so close it only took a squeeze of his hand and I joined him in the throes of ecstasy.
*
We collapsed together and I felt a whisper of a kiss on my lips. A moment later, he cleaned me up and I fell asleep.
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I woke up feeling remarkably clear headed. I was also very hungry. My stomach started growling and I thought, too bad, it would have to wait until I meditated.
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Tom turned in my arms and opened his eyes to peer at me critically. "Good morning."
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I leaned over for a kiss and replied, "Same to you. Thank you for last night."
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He called for more light and sat up to stretch. "You're welcome. How are you feeling?"
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"Fine." I wondered why he looked so concerned.
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"Fine, huh? Then turn over and let me check you out."
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"There's no need for that. I'm telling you, I feel fine."
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"Cha," he said seriously, "I fucked you within an inch of your life last night. I got carried away. I want to see if I hurt you."
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At my look of surprise, he went on, "You do it to me all the time. It's no big deal. C'mon, let the backup medic do his job." His tone of voice told me to either comply or regret it.
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Silently, I rolled over, spread my legs and propped my chin on my hands. He parted my cheeks and I sighed. I was sore but I expected to be. He spent a long time looking at me and I wondered what the hell he found so fascinating down there. Just as I was about to ask, I felt a kiss land on my left cheek and a soothing pat on my right.
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He sat up and stated, "At least there's no blood. But you're going to be hurting for awhile unless I use a regenerator on you."
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"Don't bother. I'll be fine."
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"Cha, you aren't going to have an easy time of it when you have to go to the head."
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"Tom, don't worry about it. I fasted all day yesterday. Nothing goes in, nothing comes out. Relax. It'll be OK."
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"You fasted! For gods' sake why? Was it because I wouldn't let you sleep on the floor?"
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I couldn't lie to him. "Partly. I also did it to prepare for my meditation today. I have some heavy concepts I need to deal with and fasting helps to clear the mind."
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He looked at me as if I were a lunatic. "So that's why I didn't get to see you at all yesterday? You could've told me, you know."
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His expression changed to reflect his disappointment.
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"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to worry."
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He shook his head. "When are you going to realize that I'm all grown up now and deserve to be treated like an adult? When something's going on inside here," he tapped my temple, "I wish you'd share it. When you don't, it makes me feel like you don't trust me."
*
He gazed at me sadly.
*
Fuck! I'd done it again. Yet another bad call. Didn't I have any good judgement left at all? It was a blessing that I had the day off as I was beginning to question my ability to command, on top of everything else.
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"Tom, my love, I apologize. It seems I can't do anything right lately. Please forgive me. Let me meditate today and I promise I'll tell you what's been bothering me. OK? Give me a chance to make it up to you?"
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He sighed heavily and gave in. "All right. Get your head together and we'll talk later. I have a feeling you're going to need it more than I will." He kissed me and got out of bed. "I love you even though you drive me nuts sometimes."
*
With that parting shot, he went to shower.
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I flopped back against the pillows and listened to the running water. Talk about feeling small...I felt absolutely minuscule. I was shocked and amazed that I still managed to breathe since it seemed like I couldn't do anything else at all without fucking it up entirely.
*
Not trust Tom? Was that the root of my problems? I did trust him...enough to share my early life and my sexual inclinations. What else was there? I guessed I'd have to wait and see what my spirit guide would reveal to me.
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At this point, I could only imagine that she'd laugh in my face and leave me spiritually stranded on a desert island of my own making. Oh, shit, what was I in for?
*
I curled up into a ball and waited for Tom to come out, get dressed and leave. I couldn't even begin to imagine what my day might be like. The only good thing that I could see was that Tom hadn't packed his bags and left me already. Goddess, where did I go wrong? How did I wind up so confused?
*
Tom emerged from the shower and quietly got dressed. He leaned over me and stared hard. "Will you be all right? I don't like the way you look. Tell me the truth or I'll have the Doc come visit you."
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"I'll be fine. I promise."
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He grimaced and said, "I'll come home for lunch. You *will* eat at that time. If you're not done doing the mind thing, too bad. You can go back to it later."
*
Since when did he give me orders? I started to protest but he disarmed me completely by dropping to his knees by the side of the bed and leaning over me, gathered me into his arms, saying, "I'm so worried that I might stay home today to watch over you. I've never seen you like this. It frightens me. Cha, convince me that you're OK or I won't go."
*
"I'm OK, or I will be as soon as I meet with my spirit guide. Don't worry." I kissed him and tried hard to convince him that all I needed was to be alone for a while.
*
I guess I succeeded because he left and I got up to take advantage of the privacy. I went through every single ritual I could think of then I took my medicine bundle out and mentally dove into what I expected to be an ice-cold pool of emotion.
*
For pure shock value, what I got instead was the equivalent of loving arms wrapped around me. It made no sense. I expected to be raked over the coals, to be told in no uncertain terms that I'd fucked up royally. What I got was the impression that I was loved and that if I would be honest with the One who loved me, everything would be all right.
*
So I went looking for my spirit guide but she wasn't there.
*
She never even showed her face to me. I went for a long walk through the woods, searching high and low for her. I didn't understand why she had abandoned me in my time of greatest need...why she had left me all alone.
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I kept on going, hoping to figure out what I was supposed to do to bring her back to me. Eventually, I became even more confused than I already was and decided to give up. Nothing was working out as I'd hoped. My vision was too clouded to be of any practical use.
*
As soon as that thought crossed my mind, my sight left me entirely and I was blind.
*
I began to panic. This hadn't ever happened to me before. I didn't know what to do. Shit! I stopped and stood still, waiting. I prayed for my sight to come back or at the very least for me to understand why this was happening.
*
After what seemed like forever, the Spirits answered. All was made perfectly clear when I turned my head and found Tom standing beside me. He'd been there the whole time, only I hadn't noticed until now.
*
I wasn't alone and my biggest mistake had been in thinking I was. He held out his hand to me and I took it. Then he pulled me into his arms and hugged me. I felt a barrage of peaceful, supportive and loving emotions emanating from him. I closed my eyes and leaned into his strength, sharing it, letting it augment my own. As soon as I accepted this from him, my meditation ended.
*
I felt much better now that I knew how to deal with the things that had been bothering me. I also felt pretty stupid for not having figured it out earlier. Most of what had been going through my head lately was related to Tom and by extension everyone else. But he was at the core and it made sense that he be a part of my working it all out.
*
Doing it on my own, trying to shield him from my problems had not worked at all. I saw that now. He was an integral part of the solution.
*
I checked the time and was surprised to find it almost time for lunch. I guess I'd wandered through the woods for longer than I thought.
*
I debated on whether or not to get dressed. I opted to remain nude until after lunch. Being unclothed has a definite effect on my state of mind. Right then I felt the need to be without the extra layers that usually protected and hid me from the outer world.
*
Thinking back on my meditation, I surmised that dealing with my fears and uncertainties would take some time. I hoped Tom would be willing to listen. It was going to be very difficult for me to tell him how I felt and what I thought about some things. Ah, well, you do what you have to do....
*
I was sitting at the table when he breezed through the door. He came straight to me and took my face in his hands, tilting my head up so he could stare at me. He stroked my cheek and bent down to kiss me. "You look better. I guess that means things went well. Are you ready to eat?"
*
"Thank you, yes and yes."
*
He bustled over to the replicator and spoke so softly I couldn't make out the words. I looked at him with new eyes; eyes that were suddenly able to see much more than they could before. I marveled at his air of confidence, his economy of movement and the serenity he exuded. Had he always been like this? More questions for me. Gods willing, he'd help me find the answers.
*
He stuck a plate in front of me and I looked down in surprise. An extremely bland meal of soft foods greeted my gaze.
*
"Uh, Tom?"
*
He dug into his plate of spaghetti ravenously. "What? Oh, the food? Eat it. Believe me, you'll thank me later."
*
It suddenly dawned on me why he'd given me this meal and I smiled at him.
*
"Thank you for taking such good care of me." I dug in and found it wasn't so bad after all.
*
In between sucking up noodles, he inquired, "So how did it go? I know I never pry into your private talks with the other side but this time I'm dying of curiosity. What did your spirit guide tell you?"
*
I took a sip of water and answered, "Actually, she wasn't there."
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"She?" He looked both surprised and amused.
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I grinned. "Yes. She."
*
"Oh."
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"Like I said, she wasn't there. She did leave me a message, of sorts."
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"Uh huh. What was it? If you can tell me, that is." He took another huge bite of spaghetti.
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I waited until he'd swallowed before answering, "She told me to talk to you."
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"What? Really? Me? Oh, wow." He seemed stunned then a huge smile formed and he said, "She's one smart...whatever she is."
*
I finished the last of my plain yogurt and leaned back in my chair. Smiling and feeling very hopeful, I said, "Yes, she is."
*
Picking up the plates and glasses, he dumped everything into the recycler. "So may I ask what heavy spiritual activity you have planned for this afternoon?"
*
"I feel the urge to go on a hike so you'll find me on the holodeck walking up steep hills."
*
"Oh. Sounds like fun. I wish I could go with you."
*
I leaned across the table and clasped his hands. "You walked beside me all morning and now I know you are always with me."
*
His expression changed to one of pure mystification and I laughed out loud, feeling a lightness of soul I'd been afraid I'd never feel again.
*
"I'll explain later."
*
"OK."
*
"I love you." I kissed his hands then pulled him to his feet.
*
"I'm glad. I love you, too." He gave me a searching look then kissed me on the lips.
*
We walked to the door and I swatted him on the seat of his uniform pants. "Go back to work, lover."
*
He let out a huge sigh of relief, "Yes, sir."

END OF PART 15

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Taming of Tom Paris, Part 16