Susurrations, Part 16


By Britta

Chakotay spent the remainder of the afternoon in his office. After working for a few hours reviewing and signing off on various reports, he tried to figure out the best way to get information from Neelix. He knew the Talaxian could be skittish and might clam up completely if he was approached in the wrong manner. Add to that the complication that he was the Captain's lover, and what you got was an extremely delicate situation.
*
He felt positive that Neelix wouldn't do anything to harm the ship or its crew, but he couldn't imagine how the man would be involved in what appeared to be a scam of some sort. Letting out a deep breath, he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. His head hurt just thinking about the possibilities.
*
Weariness overcame him as his thoughts darted between the extent of Neelix's participation in the mystery play and Tom's actions of earlier. Shutting down his terminal, he rose from his desk and left his office.
*
Chakotay headed for his quarters, hoping Tom would be long gone. Once he arrived, he took off his boots and settled on the sofa, calling the lights down. What he needed was a catnap before dinner; he was certain that would make him feel better and help clear his mind.

++++

Tom sat in his quarters and stared at the wall after filling in his own answers to the questionnaire. Seeing Chakotay's responses had made him feel like shit. The man had bared his soul to him in a non-verbal way and Tom wondered what he could do to make it up to him.
*
He looked around his cabin dejectedly. This place didn't feel like home anymore; he realized that he hadn't spent much time here lately and that was one reason why. His eyes strayed to the neatly made bed and the minute traces of dust he could see on the table due to B'Elanna's fingers making small trailing impressions there.
*
This really wasn't his home any longer if the old adage 'home is where the heart is' was true. Even though B'Elanna had come here and filled the space with her presence, dutifully reading him a well-deserved riot act, it still felt like a cold, empty and uninhabited place. He stood and paced, a hand rubbing his jaw unconsciously. At least he had convinced her not to hit him again.
*
She hadn't stayed long, but she had compared him to Targ turds and stated that he didn't deserve to be stepped on by Chakotay's booted feet. Then she explained a few things which had given him a lot to think about.
*
Tom felt as if he'd been run through a marathon battery of psych tests after all he had seen, said and done today. He was tired and his brain was full, yet he knew he had to pull himself together. He had things to do, padds to deliver, and a special someone to apologize to, on bended knee if that's what it took. Resolved to do the right thing, Tom stopped pacing and set the padd aside.
*
Checking the time, he decided he had enough leeway to shower and change before Harry got off shift. As he stripped, he figured he'd drop off all the padds in his possession then seek out Chakotay, apologize, and if forgiven, take him out to dinner. Before entering the shower he checked the status of his ration account, and breathed a sigh of relief that he was still flush.

++++

Chakotay dozed restlessly, unhappy in his sleep. He tossed and turned, tugging at his clothes as if they were strangling him. The uniform was a symbol of both his old beloved ambition and that which had let him and his people down: Starfleet and the Federation. His disappointment after working so hard to get so far was immense, and his dream self was angry, both at being stuck in the position he was in and with Tom. How he hated straddling the emotional picket fence, both professionally and personally.
*
The door to his quarters slid open but he didn't hear it; he was too busy acting out his feelings on another level of reality.
*
His dreams were filled with odd objects that crawled out of each of the replicators he went near. The weird things then followed him wherever he went. They trailed him into Sandrine's where he tried to blend in with the normal night-time crowd, but that didn't work.
*
Using the privilege of rank, he ordered everybody out. He then engaged a privacy lock and deleted all the holographic patrons, which seemed to get rid of his 'followers' as well. As he moved behind the bar, intent on searching for real liquor, he was surprised to find Sandrine standing in the shadows.
*
"May I help you, Commander?" She stepped forward into the light. At his frown, she explained, "My Thomas is the only one who can turn me off. I remain here as a watcher should anyone need assistance of any kind."
*
Chakotay backed away from her, confused, as she said, "I am programmed to listen if you wish to speak."
*
Still hurting, he blurted out, "Can I get a real drink in here or not?"
*
Sandrine pointed to a bar stool and stated, "That depends on what you really want."
*
Suddenly, Chakotay felt as if nothing he drank would help him feel any better. Facing Tom's creation had nearly the same effect as facing Tom himself, and so he replied dully, "Nothing, thanks."
*
He moved away from her and thought maybe knocking some pool balls around might make him feel better. As he went over to the pool table after selecting a cue, the green felt began to undulate like ocean waves over the table top.
*
The cue turned into a snake-like being and wrapped itself around his arm then slithered down toward his leg. Panicking as it approached his groin, he suddenly woke up only to find Tom on his knees beside the sofa, one arm around him and one hand down his pants.
*
"Shhh, Chakotay. I'm here and I'm sorry. Relax and let me do this for you."
*
Not quite one hundred percent awake, the voice soothed him enough to stop fighting. He felt his own stick being handled and chalked--only the chalk didn't feel blue and hard. Instead, it was soft, wet and warm.
*
As the sensations increased, Chakotay became aware of the fact that he wasn't going to be shooting any balls into any pockets in the near future, but he was going to shoot his load down Tom's throat any second.
*
He groaned and delivered, then wondered vaguely if it was all just another dream.

++++

Tom sucked Chakotay lovingly yet insistently until he was rewarded by his lover's orgasm and subsequent relaxation. As Chakotay fell asleep again, Tom closed his lover's trousers and sat down on the floor next to the couch. Savoring the essence of Chakotay, he was grateful he had the opportunity to taste it once more.
*
When he'd first entered Chakotay's cabin, he hadn't been prepared to find his lover asleep or to see him fighting himself so hard. He stood there and watched, waiting to see what would happen. It wasn't until he saw the fierce scowl appear on Chakotay's face that he opted to take the course of action he did. He didn't know what Chakotay was dreaming about but he now knew, courtesy of the padd, what Chakotay liked.
*
He moved closer to the sofa and clasped Chakotay's hand in his own, wondering what he would say to the man once he awakened. Reflecting on how Chak had pulled at his uniform, he thought a change of clothes might be a good idea before they went to get dinner--if they went together.
*
Still not knowing whether he had been forgiven, Tom decided not to make any hard and fast plans. He sat and waited, turning his back to lean against the sofa holding Chakotay's hand tightly across his chest. He crossed his legs at the ankles and let his head rest on Chakotay's thigh.
*
Before too long, his eyes closed and he drifted out of his physical body and into someone else's existence. Whose it was he never found out as he was propelled into wakefulness by a thick arm wrapped around his neck which threatened to cut off his air supply, permanently.
*
"Will you cease making that noise before I am forced to kill you?" a low voice growled at him.
*
"Arrghhh, uurrrrk, uh...lemme go," Tom managed to rasp out as the arm, covered with itchy cloth, removed itself. He coughed a couple of times and rubbed his throat, then turned his head only to find very annoyed, nearly black eyes gazing at him.

++++

"You were snoring loud enough to summon the Doctor," Chakotay accused Tom. Sitting up all the way and scratching his head, he yawned while Tom scooted away from the couch to make room for his feet.
*
Tom peered up at him from the floor yet remained silent as he hugged his knees to his chest.
*
Chakotay demanded, "What are you doing here?"
*
"I came to apologize. I'm sorry for what I said earlier." Blue eyes stared at him steadily.
*
He waited to see if Tom had anything else to say but when no other words were forthcoming, he asked, "Did you suck me off a little while ago, or was I dreaming?"
*
"Yes to both questions. That was my apology to you." Tom fidgeted then rose to his knees. Moving between Chakotay's legs, he asked seriously, "Am I forgiven?"
*
Looking down, seeing Tom on his knees before him pushed some old buttons he'd nearly forgot he had. Chakotay wondered if Tom knew about them and was manipulating him deliberately.
*
After a few moments, he decided it didn't matter. Tom appeared to be sincere. Lifting his hand slowly, he brought it to Tom's face and said, "Yes, but only if you tell me why you thought I'd hit you without reason."
*
Tom shifted a bit and looked uncomfortable. "Give me a hand up?"
*
Chakotay stood and helped Tom to his feet. "Of course. You can sit over here." He steered the younger man behind his desk in the corner of the room and smiled.
*
Returning to the sofa, Chakotay sat back and intoned, "Talk to me, Tom."

++++

Tom licked his lips and rubbed his jaw yet again. Shit. He didn't know where to begin and so he jumped right into the middle. "I don't have a good excuse. All I can say is that my brain got overloaded. I guess you could say I went through a mental meltdown. There was just too much stuff, and I mean weird stuff, for me to take in all at once."
*
Chakotay frowned and said, "My answers to the questionnaire did this to you?"
*
"No, not by themselves. You know how pissed off I was after getting out of Sickbay?"
*
"Yes. I also asked if you could handle the next stage of our investigation. You assured me that you could. Were you wrong?"
*
Tom wanted so much to touch his lover, sit close to him and feel his presence, but knew he hadn't yet regained the right. Frustrated again, he gripped the arms of Chakotay's chair and said, "No. It's just that everything crept up and then kicked me in the face. There's stuff I haven't told you because I couldn't break a confidence. The problem was that there's so much of it, I haven't had any way to deal with it."
*
Chakotay said nothing but shot him a skeptical glance, daring him to continue. He went on, "It was the last straw, Chakotay. When you tried to tell me how you liked all those sorts of odd things, I lost it."
*
Still not seeing comprehension in Chakotay's eyes, Tom rose from the chair and inquired seriously, "How would you feel if all you wanted was to be loved and all you got was someone so perverse that you, as a person, didn't seem to matter at all?"
*
He moved toward the sofa and watched as Chakotay stood up and held out his arms. "I never meant for you to feel that way. I thought you could tell I was joking." Tom was enfolded in an embrace so strong, he had no choice but to accept it, or fight his way out, and he didn't have the energy to fight right now, so he listened as Chakotay spoke.
*
"I would never play games like that with you. I only gave you those answers because I wanted to force the people behind the *business* to replicate a lot of things for us. I planned to put a tracer on all the replicators in the unoccupied cabins once you gave the padd back to Neelix. I even created a program to do just that." Chakotay then kissed him on the cheek reassuringly.
*
Tom held on to Chakotay as if he were afraid of angering him again and said, "You'd better activate those tracers right away." Then he suddenly let go of the older man and backed away.
*
"Why?"
*
Smiling somewhat guiltily, Tom replied, "I gave the application back to Neelix over an hour ago."

++++

Chakotay moved quickly to the terminal at his desk and pushed a few buttons. He was glad he hadn't erased the program earlier. Putting his plan into motion, he transferred the alarm he'd set to a padd, keeping the connection alive. If anyone replicated anything from those unused cabins, he'd know it instantly.
*
As he rose, Tom asked, "What was that all about?"
*
He reached up and stroked Tom's face with a finger then replied, "I just implemented Plan A. Now, all we have to do is wait."
*
Tom raised his eyebrows and inquired, "Can we have dinner while we wait?"
*
Chakotay nodded. "Sounds like a good idea. I'm hungry."
*
Tom ran his hands over Chakotay's broad shoulders and said, "Maybe you should dump the uniform before we hit the mess hall."
*
"Okay," he agreed. "A shower sounds pretty good, too. I'll even let you pick out something for me to wear."
*
Tom snorted at his teasing grin and replied, "Can I replicate you a suit made entirely of rubber with a feather boa as an accessory?"
*
Laughing, Chakotay said, "No. You may look in my closet, but that's it." Then he stole a kiss and they moved into his bedroom in harmony once again.

++++

Tom picked out Chakotay's black outfit, the one he'd worn on their first dinner date; the one that had turned him on so much. Chakotay donned it without questioning him, although he raised his eyebrows at the selection, especially when Tom stood there with his arms folded and watched him dress.
*
Finally, they made their way to the mess hall. Once there, Tom said, "That padd you're carrying sticks out a parsec. Want me to hold onto it for you?"
*
Chakotay dug it out of his front pocket and handed it over, saying, "Be careful, it's in vibration mode."
*
Tom smiled and whispered, "So that's why you put it next to your dick."
*
The Commander cleared his throat and stated quietly, "You chose what I would wear tonight and this outfit only has pockets in front, so don't blame me for your own impure thoughts."
*
Grinning, Tom stuffed the padd into his own more spacious pocket and, without another word, led Chakotay to the serving counter. They piled something resembling food on their plates and sat down at a table in the corner.
*
The meal wasn't too bad, Tom thought, although he wished he could've had something tastier. He had the rations to treat Chakotay to something really special, but he figured it would be better to wait until the big mystery was solved. As he ate, he admired his lover--who, in his opinion, was dressed to kill--and hoped that later on he would be able to take advantage of it.
*
As they finished up, Tom became aware of the fact that they were the last diners. He could hear Neelix prowling around his kitchen, but that was all.
*
Chakotay smiled at him and said, "We should leave before Neelix throws us out."
*
"I think that's a good idea." He rose and Chakotay followed suit. They took their trays to the recycler and headed to the door.
*
Just before they exited the mess hall, Captain Janeway strode inside and called out, "Neelix? Are you ready to go? The others are waiting." She acknowledged them with a nod.
*
"Yes, my love, I'm on my way. Be with you in a nanosecond!" Neelix sang out cheerfully.
*
They waited, somewhat uncertainly, while the Captain looked them over as if appraising them for suitability as dinner entrees. Tom moved closer
*
to Chakotay and momentarily regretted selecting the sexy clothes for his lover. He didn't like the look on the Captain's face one bit.
*
Just then, Neelix popped out from behind the wall that hid his secret kitchen space from prying eyes. "I'm here and just about ready to go and do social things. What amazing entertainment are we going to experience tonight?" he asked enthusiastically.
*
"Mud wrestling," she replied. With a sharp glance at them, she added, "You two can come along if you like. Seven is curious, wanting to compare and contrast something to all the Doctor has exposed her to, and B'Elanna has convinced Tuvok that it would be fascinating."
*
Tom looked at Chakotay, who shrugged, then said, "We'll, um, think about it."
*
"Think fast then, because everyone is waiting for us right now, and you know how impatient the Doctor can be," she retorted.
*
Chakotay nudged Tom and said softly, "Let's do it. I really want to see how Seven handles this--after all, she's done the opera and the ballet, and...you know what else."
*
Tom sighed and thought that no matter what happened where or with whom, he would always have a complicated life. Putting on his best, most hopeful face and rearranging the padd in his pocket, he answered, "Captain, we would *love* to join you."
*
She nodded again and Chakotay spoke up. "May I ask whose program this is?"
*
Janeway turned to him and replied, "Mine. We will only be running it in demo mode though, so you don't have to worry about being challenged to take on the winner."
*
Tom felt his eyebrows climb all the way up to his ever-receding hairline and he prayed that holographic mud wouldn't magically stick to anything real.

END OF PART 15

Comments? Suggestions?
Send E-mail to Britta

TO GO TO THE NEXT PART, CLICK BELOW:

Susurrations, Part 17