ICE AND FIRE
Artwork (c) 2001 by Eduardo. All Rights Reserved.
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...until suddenly it was morning and the damned alarm was going once again.
Chakotay was already out of bed and at the shuttle controls, running the scan. "Good morning, Lieutenant." he said. "0700. Rise and shine, Mister."
"Yeah, yeah." Paris said. He stumbled to the bathroom and took his shower, then walked out stark naked, hoping to stimulate Chakotay a little maybe.
"Get some clothes on, Lieutenant." was Chakotay's only comment.
"Any good reason for me to wear clothing, Commander?" Paris grinned.
A stern look met his, then Chakotay turned away.
Paris sighed. His relationship with Chakotay always had been fire or ice, and after two days of fire, it was ice once again. Jeez! What did he do this time? But then, when had he had to do anything to turn Chakotay into the stern figure he now was?
He dressed and sat at the controls, looked them over. Nothing, still, of course, save a wriggle at one edge which was the very anomaly they were going to investigate. Their shuttle was now able to pick up a very rough reading of it from this distance.
He finished by sending the readings to the computer and said, "Well, Commander, care for a hand of poker?"
"No, thank you, Lieutenant."
"Some other kind of cards?"
"No, thank you."
"Some other kind of game?"
"Then shall we simply sit and stare at each other like a pair of stone gargoyles?" Paris said in exasperation. "Or do you intend to amuse yourself by giving me silly orders and watching me obey them? Scrub the deck with my toothbrush? Or just my tongue?"
"You're being insubordinate, Lieutenant."
"Yeah, well, why don't you put me on report, Commander? That computer file's getting pretty large to fit on a handcomp, but I think you can squeeze it on if you'll keep your comments brief."
He matched Chakotay's glare, and for a change, it was Chakotay who flinched and turned first.
"Come on, Chakotay, what's wrong?" Paris asked. "If I could go away and leave you alone, I'd do it, but there isn't exactly another place for me to be right now. So if you're unhappy about something, put me in it with you and I can at least share your current state of mind."
"I don't feel like talking about it."
"Does it have anything to do with your standing over my mattress last night and looking at me? Or the fact that I tried to touch you while you were doing it?"
"Come on, Chakotay, what do I have to do? I've made it clear I want you in my bed. Why didn't you just crawl in?"
"Because you didn't want me."
"I wasn't seeing you last night, okay? I wasn't you I wanted to be in bed with. You would have been a substitute, and you made your feelings about that very clear."
"Oh." Paris said. "In that case, you were right not to do anything more than stare at me. It ruined my sleep last night, but if we aren't playing any poker today, then I can grab a nap and make up for it."
"Go ahead." Chakotay said.
"Why is it killing you to talk about Robert to me?" Paris asked plaintively. "You told me stories that would make me blush to talk about. Why do you flinch on this guy? Was he that important to you?"
"He was my first."
"First man?" There were others?
"No. He was the first."
"O-oh!" Paris nodded. "I thought he was just a sort of change of pace for you. He took your cherry?"
"Every one I had." Chakotay said. "And I gave them up gladly. Sometimes when I'm with a woman and having trouble, you know, finishing the job, I'll close my eyes and pretend it's Robert instead of her. If Robert had left me for someone else, maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad when he shows up in my mind. But as it was..."
"When did you first meet him?"
"My senior year of school. He was home from Starfleet Academy on leave, and I was just eighteen and feeling very independent. I walked into the coffee shop near the school and saw him in his uniform, so I walked over and introduced myself and asked him to tell me about the Academy. We talked about the Academy, girls, the Academy, sex in general. We talked and talked and soon it was ten o'clock at night. He offered to walk me home and on the way, we talked about sex some more. It was a long walk and I felt guilty about him walking all that way back alone, so I asked my mother to let him spend the night. So he and I ended up in bed together. I watched him take off that uniform, envying him the uniform, and I guess he thought I was wanting something else. I was kind of startled when he walked over to me and asked if I wanted a closer look at anything he had. I couldn't help but look at his groin, where his cock was tenting up his shorts. Then he reached down, took my chin in his hand and lifted my face up." Chakotay had been speaking with his face lowered, now he raised it as if reliving that moment once again. "He was smiling so gently, and he looked so damned handsome in the yellow light of my room. His uniform was lying on the chair of my desk, and all of a sudden, I DID want him, so I reached up for him and he laughed and...."
Silence. "Go ahead." Paris urged.
"We made love that night. Must have woke up my entire family, we were so noisy though no one ever said a word to me about it. I was ecstatically happy, and I was doing absolutely anything he wanted us to do. First he taught me how to suck his cock by sucking on mine, and I took his first load right down my throat. He pulled off me at the last second and took mine on his chest, and as I watched, he grinned and rubbed it over his body. Then we rested a few minutes, kissing and talking some more, and he promised that I could be his roommate at the Academy, his last roommate had graduated. Then he reached around and starting playing with my ass, then he lifted my legs up and ran his tongue over my asshole. God, what an incredible feeling! I can't think of anything I love more than that feeling, and there I was experiencing it on my very first night of making love! I nearly creamed again while he was doing it, and then he asked me if I had any lubricant. I didn't, so he sat on my chest and I sucked him until he was nice and wet and he stuck his cock into my ass that way. It hurt, but you know, I didn't care one bit. It was like the tongue licking me, and I sort of opened up for him. I made a mess on the bed in the process, but he just laughed and kept on at it until he had my ass filled with his cock. He was so gentle when he moved in and out of me...."
Silence again. "You don't have to say any more, unless you want to." Paris said.
"I did room with him at the Academy. Robert was a wonderfully popular guy at the Academy, and between him and Captain Sulu's letters of reference, I was the happiest I think I've ever been in my life. He graduated that year, but he promised to take his first shore leave when Academy vacation time came around and we'd planned to spend it together. And he was posted on his first duty to the Cardassian border. Six weeks after I said good-bye to him, he was dead. I didn't find out about it for weeks afterwards. Who thinks to contact a passed cadet's ex- roommate, after all? I didn't get any letters from him, and finally I wrote to him and the message came back. One word attached, like I had sent him a business letter. Deceased."
Silence again. "I'm so sorry." Paris said.
"That was over twenty years ago, and I still can't keep my eyes dry when I think about him." Chakotay said. Paris looked and Chakotay's eyes were moist. "And I have never talked about him, except maybe when under the probe, to anyone since that day. Until today, here, with you."
"No, thank you and I need to say something else. Something you're not going to want to hear at all. When you joined the Maquis and I first saw you, I was scared out of my wits. I couldn't bear to even look at you. With Makrah sponsoring you, I couldn't refuse you entry, but I could do what I did. I gave you a ship I knew couldn't handle the mission I sent you on. I set you up, Lieutenant. It's my fault you were captured and put in prison, and it's not my fault you didn't die instead. And if you want to punch me right in the nose, go right ahead. I won't stop you and the Captain will never hear of it. I've never been as ashamed of anything I ever did as I was and am about you. On the days when that gets bad, I hide behind a wall of formality and make you toe the line, just to keep you from getting close enough to find out what I did to you."
Paris whistled. "I'm glad you didn't say that before you told me about Robert." he said. "I would have killed you."
"Do you forgive me, then?" Chakotay said. "My God, Tom, I don't see how anyone could forgive that."
Paris smiled. "I'm not most men." he said. "I may not be a lot of good things, but when it comes to someone being confused about his life and making a desperation move to get out of a bad situation, I am the person who understands better than anyone. I just wish I'd known about all this sooner. I would have refused to help Starfleet come track the Maquis down. I knew that ship was a piece of crap and that I had been set up, I just didn't know that it was you who had arranged it. Only reason I agreed to help Starfleet was to get the guy who did that to me. But I didn't have you pegged as the guy who had set me up."
"I see." Chakotay said. "So you and I are both here right now because of Robert."
"And everything else afterwards, yes." Paris said. "Let's not switch to hating Robert. He sounds like a wonderful guy all right. You should go right on loving him and his memory. I just hope that you have some room left over when you do it, that's all."
"Maybe I do." Chakotay said. Paris looked at him hopefully, but was met with a smile of negation. "Let's decide on today's stakes at poker."
"We've already used all the good stuff up." Paris said. "Maybe if we aim lower?"
"Yeah, a lot lower! Really, really low!" Paris said.
And Chakotay had to match that smile on his face. "I'm listening."
"Instead of fifty poker chips, we only get fifteen...." Paris began.
* * * * *
When Janeway contacted them for a routine status report at 1700 hours, she met with a shock. Both Chakotay and Paris were seated at their posts, but they were both without shirts. Maybe even without more, but the panel covered their lower bodies. "Good afternoon, Commander." she said, deciding to let this pass. "How are things going on your trip?"
Chakotay promptly appeared to go into spasms. First, he stuck out his tongue to the side of his mouth and said, "Wakka-wakka-wakka! Routine trip, Big Mama!"
"Commander, are you all right?" Janeway was startled.
"Wakka-wakka-wakka! I'm fine, Big Mama!"
"Lieutenant Paris?" she asked, turning to the other man in hopes of meeting reason.
Paris promptly stuck his thumbs in his ears and waggled his fingers, crossing his eyes and said, "Woo-woo-woo! We're all right here, Captain."
"I'm not sure about that. Is there something wrong with your air and why aren't you two in uniform? In clothes?"
"Wakka-wakka-wakka! I can explain, Big Mama!"
"You'd better, Commander."
"Wakka-wakka-wakka! Lieutenant Paris and I have been gambling for silly stakes, Big Mama."
"I see." Janeway said. And she did. "I presume you lost at least twice at your games, and therefore you have to start every conversation with this odd sound and the other means that you have to address me as 'Big Mama.' Am I understanding that right?"
"Wakka-wakka-wakka! Yes, Big Mama!"
Janeway managed to hide her smile. "I'm glad to see you two are managing to occupy yourselves. One more question and I'll leave you two alone. Are you two just missing your shirts in this little game you've been playing?"
"Woo-woo-woo!" Paris chipped in. "Afraid not, Captain. I'm just glad the console comes up high enough."
"What was it? Strip poker?"
"Woo-woo-woo! No, Captain. Just each lost one round, that's all."
Janeway sighed. "Very well, Lieutenant, Commander. Carry on. But do me a favor and keep the communications out of the game stakes tomorrow, all right?"
"Wakka-wakka-wakka! Understood, Big Mama!"
"And especially never bet on calling me anything other than Captain, understand? Janeway out."
When the screen returned to the usual forward view, Janeway burst out laughing, loud and long, falling helplessly out of her command chair. Wiping her eyes at last, she said, "I never thought I'd make it through that with a straight face!"
* * * * *
Chakotay greeted the similar view with a sigh of relief. "I never thought she'd let us get away with that. That's the last time I agree to gamble without knowing the stakes involved. Even in silly-stakes poker."
"You should trust the Captain more." Paris said. "Underneath that stern exterior is a very warm human being."
"I'm beginning to understand that." Chakotay said, arising. Paris took another covert look at his cock, a limp brown oval in the thick coat of black hair. "Are you ready to pay off on the last of the bets?"
"Sure, Commander." Paris said. "Let's get the table ready." When Paris had lost the last round, having required Chakotay on the prior game to call the Captain "Big Mama" and to call her that at the end of every sentence, he had expected something much the same for his own penalty. But Chakotay had decided instead to ask for a back rub, claiming that the long hours at the poker table were giving him a backache. Though not a proper silly-stakes choice, Paris had agreed readily, not revealing that he had studied erotic massage back during his wild period between leaving the Academy and joining the Maquis. Chakotay was going to get more than he bargained for!
Chakotay lay on the bed while Paris spent the last of his ration points for warm scented oil. MacGruder would have to wait before she got another candlelit dinner from Paris! Chakotay sniffed the aromatic oil and grinned, "Going all out on your debt, Lieutenant?"
"Hey, if you're going to pay your debts, you should do it right. And I'm partial to shamamusk oil myself. Risans know the best, after all." Paris rubbed his hands with the oil and, standing at Chakotay's head, his cock mere millimeters from brushing Chakotay's hair, he laid his hands on Chakotay's back. "First, we get your back properly lubricated." Paris used the oil lavishly, until Chakotay's broad back shone with a golden luster. He moved around Chakotay until he had covered his entire back and was standing on Chakotay's left side. Then he threw a long leg over the table and managed to end up kneeling over Chakotay, sitting atop Chakotay's rump. Not giving him a chance to protest, he began to massage, as if he didn't notice that his cock was now nestling between Chakotay's ass-cheeks. But it wasn't erect, so how could Chakotay protest? He had to rub Chakotay's back, didn't he? He kept the massage firm and business-like, until the muscles that had been taut on the shoulders and neck began to release and soften, and Chakotay's groans of pain/pleasure had silenced and he was so much pliable putty in Paris' hands.
Now Paris shifted the intent of the massage very slowly. Instead of deep rubs, he began gentle strokes over the skin, titillating and enlivening the skin rather than touching the muscles beneath. With the oil smoothing the way, he was able to make long, slow strokes without the slightest tucker of resistance, leaving him free to dance his fingertips over Chakotay's back like a skater on ice. And he began to wiggle his body slowly on Chakotay, and let his cock, which had been obediently quiescent up until now, begin to fill with blood, to heat up and declare its presence on Chakotay's body. As if negligently, he let the last of the warm oil dribble down his own body, until it coated his pud and nestled into Chakotay's crevice. As he did this, he dulled the insistence of the moment by returning to a harder stroke on Chakotay's body.
Chakotay, who had been relaxing, now began to breathe harder under the persistent strokes and Paris' cock which had begun to announce its existence. The heat of the cock and the oil was nearly scalding his sensitive tissue in that area, inflaming his desire.
And Paris smiled, said, "That's all of it, Commander. Now we both hold still for a time to let the moment play itself out."
"I know what you're trying to do." Chakotay said softly. "It's still a mistake. I haven't let go of Robert yet. I can't promise to hold you and not see him. We should wait longer. I need more time."
Paris said gently. "We're not going to do a thing tonight unless you want to, and you want to do it with me. This was a very good day, Chakotay. I don't want to ruin it any more than you do. For the first time since I've known you, you turned off the cold commanding officer routine for me. I appreciate that more than you can know."
"And I appreciate your understanding about the Maquis." Chakotay sighed softly. "I told you fully expecting you to get mad and maybe punch me. It would have let us return to where we were before."
"I don't want to go back to where we were before." Paris said. "I hated that time. This way is much better. Release the past. It only has pain inside it."
"There are good times, too."
"Yes." Paris said. "But if you can't reach them without also finding the pain, then why not make some new good times to replace them with?"
"Maybe you're right." Chakotay said. "I've been holding onto Robert a little too long."
"You don't have to forget him." Paris urged. "Just honor him without the pain. Now that's enough talk for now. Rest quietly."
"Okay." Chakotay said.
"Computer, some soft music. Uh, mid-20th Century. Random selection, but make sure it's relaxing."
The sounds of violins and pianos arose in a languid movement. Paris smiled. This was a perfect moment, right now. It's good to spot them while they're happening. You can remember to remember.
And suddenly he was hearing the words of the song.
"We shared a dance, and it was swell.
Now it's the right time.
The very right time,
For making whoo-oo-oo-pie."
"Computer, end music." Paris said desperately. "Shit!" he exclaimed as the song died.
Chakotay began to laugh. Slow, liquid, mellow, he laughed.
Paris laughed, too. Completely nude atop a nude Commander Chakotay, alone in a shuttle on a wild-goose-chase trip, probably arranged by the Captain as therapy for Chakotay, himself wanting Chakotay and wanting the match to work. And it was working, working perfectly, right up until now, when he asks for some soft music without specifying which piece, and that's what the computer gave him.
"I sometimes wonder what the universe has against me being happy." Paris said as the laughter died out. "It seems determined to keep me absolutely down flat on my back with mud on my face."
Chakotay turned, craned his neck.
"No, don't do that, Commander, not so soon after a massage." Paris urged. "I'll get up and you can turn over."
"No, don't get up." Chakotay said. "I can manage." And he sidled beneath Paris until they were now face to face, Paris still kneeling across Chakotay. Their eyes were locked, Chakotay smiling gently up at him. And Chakotay had an erection! He didn't dare look down to see it, but he could tell by the velvet-covered steel nestling his balls that they were both rigid. All he had to do was move the least bit and... No!
Paris was afraid to move or talk, afraid to break this moment. Please, he told his body, don't do it. Let this moment go on forever. He was looking down at a relaxed and warm and caring Chakotay. He's seeing me, he thought to himself. Me. Please, Chakotay, keep seeing me!
His body was betraying him. His hand was reaching for Chakotay's face. Please, he begged his hand, stop moving. You'll break the moment, and this is perfect! Don't do it! Don't do it!
His hand touched Chakotay's cheek, cupped it, a gentle caress. Chakotay sighed and moved his groin upwards in a gentle wave that stroked his cock against Paris' own, and suddenly Paris knew that this moment hadn't been broken after all. He lowered himself down to lay across Chakotay's body, feeling the warmth and the solidness of the strong muscles meeting his own, no soft yielding feminine form this! This was like lying on top of a tiger!
As he reached his lips for Chakotay's, he breathed, "Just promise me one thing."
"Whatever you do, don't stop tonight. You can hate me or fear me tomorrow all you want. Just don't stop what you're doing, just for tonight."
"I promise." Chakotay said. "But I'm seeing you, Tom. I'm seeing you."
"Shut up and kiss me." was Paris' only comment to that.
Strong arms reached up to embrace him. They don't feel like a woman's arms at all, he realized, surprised. You'd think that being embraced was being embraced, but it wasn't like that. He wasn't being clung to, he was being encircled. He wasn't nurturing, he was being taken possession of. He wasn't the aggressor on this table, he was being pursued by large hairy arms that reached up and pulled him down hard and held onto him like this hold was permanent, that he'd never be released again. The kiss was equally strong, equally demanding, equally insistent on his own. Chakotay's tongue entered his mouth like an invader pushing over the frontier, to march where it would. He smelled the heavy musk of a man's body, the thick raunch of male rut as Chakotay hunched upwards against him. What have I gotten myself into, he asked himself, suddenly lost and bewildered, a child in a forest with eyes glowing in the blackness.
And the arms then felt very comforting. They would protect him. He wasn't alone after all. And that easily, he had made the choice, the small voice sitting in the back of his mind, asking plaintively, but who's going to be on top?
And suddenly Chakotay's legs were pulling out to envelop him, and suddenly the roles had shifted, and he was the aggressor now, and Chakotay was giving himself to him as the legs came up to encircle his waist, and he didn't feel little and lost any more as Chakotay reached between them to guide Paris' already-slippery dick up to the entrance of his asshole. Paris felt a tight circle of hot flesh, hotter than he had ever felt, and it was pulling at his cockhead, pulsing. He began to insert his penis into Chakotay and Chakotay's face suddenly tightened with pain, but the movements and the very smell of Chakotay's body entered Paris' nostrils and told him to go ahead, keep pushing in. It was like the end of a tiger hunt, back in dim ancestral memory, when you took your spear and pushed into the lithe body, and the hot blood smell filled your nose and you smelled the power of the beast that you had captured and killed.
A deep primitive mood fell upon Paris and he seized Chakotay to hold and possess him, enslave him, treat him as he would, and there was even a cannibalistic urge here, to eat this strong body and make it part of his own. He pulled his lips from Chakotay's and that long kiss, and reached instead for the neck, the soft, supple neck, and the vein there, and only the last desperate call of civilization kept him from tearing that vein loose to spray him with the thick, bright red life. Instead he nibbled the soft junction of neck and shoulder and satisfied the beast within him by hunching fiercely into Chakotay's body, taking him, using him as he pleased, to rut, to mate, to spread your genes before you die!
Chakotay's eyes held an odd bewilderment about them, as if he had lost his will to Paris, and that was right, that was proper, that was the way it should be! Paris fucked him hard and fucked him quick and the gasps and moans from Chakotay's lips were only sounds, to be ignored in the animal that had arisen from the depths of the psyche and was now in control.
Chakotay's brown face turned to an almost-purple, and Paris dimly felt the hot salty spray of Chakotay's seed pelt him like stones. A growl escaped his lips and he hunched madly at Chakotay's butt and his climax arose like a grizzly from a forest brush, and fell upon Paris to tear at his body, rack him apart, until he fell in the end atop Chakotay, the last remnants of his life bleeding out of him into Chakotay's body with the sperm that sought their new life inside, leaving the dying body which twitched with random movements, like a tiger who had been speared by the hunter.
Some time later, a second or an hour, he couldn't tell, he remembered who he was and where he was, and arose, lifting his weight from Chakotay's captive form, abashed and confused, yet feeling triumphant as well. He went back to resting on his knees, Chakotay's legs on either side of him still.
Paris panted, gulped, cleared his throat. "That was great!" he said. "I got kind of carried away there. Are you all right?"
Chakotay's response was to pull Paris back down and kiss him fervently. Paris chuckled with relief. He had been worried about how fiercely he had made love, but apparently it was all right. Their sweat held them together with salty prongs like fishhooks in their bodies.
But kissing after an incredible orgasm, while fun, palls after a time. Paris hated to do it, but he had to get up from Chakotay's warm-steel body, stagger to his feet. It was like breaking a confidence to stand there by the side of the table. He offered an olive branch by proffering his hand to Chakotay, to help him arise. "I don't know about you, but I need a shower." he said.
"Yeah." Chakotay said.
"That was absolutely incredible." Paris said as he walked over to the cubicle. "I don't think I've ever felt anything like that, before."
"I should hope not." Chakotay said. "You told me you had never done it before, and I'd hate to think you welshed on your bet like that."
Paris grinned. "Believe me, Commander, if I knew it felt that good, I would have lost this particular cherry long before I met you."
"Cherry? I suppose so." Chakotay mused. "But you've got another cherry there that needs consideration."
"Hmm?" Paris said as he started the sonic shower. "What do you mean?"
Chakotay raised his voice to be heard over the subsonics. "I mean that next time, I get to do you. You've got a cherry butt there that I intend to take for my very own. I don't know a single person on Voyager who can claim to be your first at anything."
Paris ended his shower and stepped out. "Well, that changed tonight. You were my first man, Chakotay. My very first. No circle jerk at summer camp comes anywhere close to tonight. I kept wishing we didn't have to move, that the moment could go on forever. It was a perfect moment we had tonight. I don't know how long this will last, but I hope it lasts a very long time."
Chakotay smiled. "We'll talk about tomorrow, tomorrow." he said. "Let me hit that shower and you crawl into bed. My bed. You can fold and put away that mattress of yours for good, Lieutenant. We're sharing from now on."
"Fine by me." Paris said, smiling. He hummed as he folded the mattress to store it in the cubby inside the hood it had come from. Farewell, crummy mattress! We won't be needing you any more, thank you!
The shuttle bed was a little small for two. The only way they could sleep without the risk of falling out was to lie entwined together. Paris put his leg and arm over Chakotay and rested his neck on Chakotay's outstretched arm. There was still a faint smell of the heavy musk he had exuded during their lovemaking. Paris hoped his own body smelled as good to Chakotay right now. He lay thinking idly as they drifted off to sleep and he suddenly remembered that morning. That utterly terrible morning. It made him smile.
For a day that had started out so shitty, it had ended up absolutely wonderful!
* * * * *
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Shuttle Trip, Day Four