The Loser


By Britta

Commander Chakotay made a beeline for his quarters after his shift ended, and he'd tossed out yet another excuse why he couldn't accompany Janeway to dinner in the Mess Hall. She'd shot him an unhappy glance as if she felt puzzled or hurt because he didn't want to be seen with her in public. Little did she know that it wasn't about being with her, it was the being in public part that he wanted to avoid.
*
He needed to spend time alone in a safe place where he couldn't possibly encounter Paris. His cabin was safer than anywhere else aboard Voyager, even though most of their bets had been paid out there.
*
Once he arrived home, he relaxed, replicated a sandwich and some tea, then set up a “do not disturb” signal should anyone comm him for no good reason. He was tired of excusing himself and leaving one place or another whenever Tom showed up, which he'd been doing with increasing frequency of late.
*
He'd tried being cool and aloof, but that hadn't seemed to work at all; Tom just wouldn't leave him alone. Grabbing his food, he moved through his living room and into the bedroom calling the lights off as he went. He then sat on the edge of the bed and stared out at the stars as he ate and drank.
*
Tom was driving him nuts these days. The younger man kept staring at him no matter where they were. Others began to notice, particularly the senior officers, if their interested glances meant anything. Why was Tom drawing this amount of attention to them? What was Tom's problem? Did he want more one-sided sex? Was he afraid of the other kind, when it came down to the two of them?
*
Chakotay finished his meal and set the dishes out of the way. He wished he could find a way to make sure he'd win the next bet Tom came up with, but he couldn't figure out how to do it, unless he initiated the bet himself. And if he did that, assuming control again, it might neutralize the meaning of the game, perhaps taking them back to square one, right where they started--angry, hateful, and mistrusting each other. Their balance of power had always been precarious.
*
He also realized that he wasn't certain what he wanted from Tom. Chakotay thought it was best to stay away from the other man until he could sort out the conflicting desires emanating from his brain, heart, and dick.

=====

Tom paced in his quarters and wondered why things were going sour in his life. Harry had all but given up on him since he wouldn't, couldn't, tell the nearest thing he had to a brother what was on his mind.
*
He was getting more and more agitated as the days slipped by, and Chakotay wasn't around to look at. Tom kept pacing, pondering his situation. He was in lust with the man; that had to be it. All he needed was a full fix of the visual kind and he'd be okay again. Then he could concentrate and think up something for their next bet.

=====

By the time he finished cleaning up from dinner, Chakotay had decided to stop playing their game, even if he had a chance of winning. He would decline Tom's offers from here on out. In the meantime, he sat in his quarters, in the dark, and recalled the many times Tom had won and the many ways he'd been touched.
*
There was the time when Tom had told him to strip to the waist and put his hands on top of his head. He had done so and Tom had feasted on his chest: licks, nips, sucks, and kisses--his mouth everywhere, driving him insane with want while warm hands stroked his back. Chakotay remembered that Tom had bitten him lightly until he came in his pants, then the younger man had left him without a word.
*
He shifted in his seat as another memory rose to the surface. Tom'd had him on his hands and knees on the sofa, naked. The blond had perched behind him, fully clothed, and had proceeded to eat his ass while rubbing the head of his cock with one fingertip until he had come, making a mess he'd had to live with and clean up all by himself.
*
Breathing heavily, Chakotay's mind ran through each scenario as if it had happened only yesterday. He sighed with frustration over the whole of Tom's agenda. Why wouldn't Tom allow himself to be pleasured? He was damned if he could figure it out, but still, he wanted to get his hands on Paris more than anything.
*
Giving into the disturbing yet enticing memories, Chakotay took himself in hand again, and as he stroked his erection, he vowed to find a way to touch Tom Paris if it was the last thing he did.
*
No more games.

=====

Tom cornered Chakotay in the resort one night. He'd been standing under the shadow of a palm tree and was surprised to see the Commander walk over to the bar. He sidled up next to him and said, "Good evening."
*
Dark eyes gazed at him while a velvet voice replied, "Tom. I...didn't see you when I came in."
*
"So I gathered. If you had seen me, you probably would have left before you ordered a beer." Tom tried to inject as much venom into that statement as he could, but felt he'd failed somehow. He was afraid his neediness had shown through.
*
Chakotay sipped his beer and said nothing.
*
Paris fidgeted until he caught Neelix's attention and motioned for a brew of his own. He couldn't think of anything to say. All he wanted to do was look at Chakotay for a minute or two. Then--he wanted to touch him.
*
He licked his lips and drank some of his beer, stealing glances at the older man as often as he could. Why didn't Chakotay say anything? Why wouldn't he speak?
*
Tom watched as his CO drank faster. He got the feeling Chakotay wanted to finish up and leave quickly. Shit, he didn't have a bet ready; he'd been unable to think up something good enough to catch the Commander's attention. Still, he needed to keep the older man around for a little while longer at least.
*
He felt as if he was losing the upper hand, and that was a bad thing. What was it that dear old Dad used to say? Ah...the best defense was a good offense. With that thought in mind, he inquired, "So where have you been hiding yourself lately?"
*
Chakotay turned to him and replied evenly, "Why do you ask?"
*
Tom shrugged, not willing to give anything away, and Chakotay turned his back, picking up his beer mug.
*
Frowning, Tom wondered if the man was seeing someone. Maybe that's why he'd been so inaccessible. He slugged down a huge swallow of his beer and was amazed at how much the possibility upset him. Chakotay was his to toy with, no one else's, even though the only way he could have him was by obligation. He gritted his teeth and nearly bit a chunk out of his glass.

=====

Staring into his beer, Chakotay could feel the tension emanating from Tom, and he knew he'd made a mistake by coming here tonight. He should've checked Tom's location before venturing out of his cabin.
*
He still hadn't managed to get himself back on an even keel where Tom was concerned, and their last bet burned in his mind. It had been the one and only time Tom had kissed him.
*
Sure, Tom's lips had been covered with semen, but that hadn't been the first time he'd tasted himself. What was making him crazy was that he hadn't been able to taste Tom.
*
Tom had not shared tongue.
*
Now Chakotay could smell Tom as he stood next to him, and the musky scent bothered him mightily. He needed to be someplace where he couldn't sense Tom, wouldn't be confused by the man's nearness. He had to finish his beer and leave. In order to breathe freely, he would go back to his quarters and face another solitary and sleepless night.
*
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Neelix press a sequence of buttons, and before he knew it the steel band had appeared and started to play. He couldn't handle this additional pounding noise; his sexual thoughts were too loud already. The music was just the distraction he needed to make his getaway.
*
Taking one last swallow, he drained his glass and set it on the bar none too gently. He took a deep a breath, filling his nostrils with Tom's aroma, and turned away from what he wanted.
*
Before he took a single step, he felt a solid hand land on his shoulder, gripping harder than it ever had, even when they'd been in private. He stopped and waited, wondering what Tom would do next.
*
The younger man abandoned his beer and moved to face Chakotay. Blue eyes met brown while fingers dug into him almost painfully. Chakotay waited until there was a break in the music, then he asked, "What?"
*
Tom moved closer and said enigmatically, "Bet me."
*
There was a wealth of information behind those words, but Chakotay couldn't handle figuring it out right there and then. He needed to get away from the noise and people surrounding him. Not understanding which variation of their game Tom was trying to play, he peered at Tom and wondered why the hell he'd picked such a public place to make a move. Deliberately lifting the younger man's hand from his shoulder, he stood back, sticking to his earlier decision, and quietly stated, "No."
*
As Tom began to speak, the steel band struck up again, and his words were lost in the sounds reverberating harshly around them. Chakotay walked away wearily, but not before he saw a flash of anguish cross Tom's face.
*
Or perhaps, that expression was just wishful thinking on his part.

TO BE CONTINUED...MAYBE

Comments? Suggestions?
E-mail me at Britta

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