In Dreams, Part 13


By Britta

*
Tom woke up with a crick in his neck and a frown on his face. Whatever had possessed him to stay out here on the couch this long? He'd moved in his sleep, he knew that now, as he was lying length-wise with his legs scrunched up on his short sofa. He also realized that he was covered with a blanket and yet he didn't recall getting one from the bedroom.
*
His eyes still shut, he thought it must have been Chakotay's doing. Ah, how he loved that man, loved that he would think of him--oh shit, Tom's eyes popped open as he recalled what had happened. Where was Chakotay now?
*
He jumped to his feet and moved quickly into his bedroom calling for low lights. His bed was empty and neatly made. There was no sign of Chakotay having ever been present. Was his experience all a dream, a regular dream? Raking the bedspread off, he grabbed the pillow that Chakotay habitually used and sniffed; not a whiff of his lover could he detect.
*
Shaking his head, he checked the rest of the bed, the bathroom, everywhere he could think of, but no scent remained. Had Chakotay ever been here? He must have been, Tom decided, that blanket did not walk out to the living room all by itself.
*
So what had happened? Tom remembered going to their green place and explaining how he felt about things. He'd tried to tell Chakotay that he wanted a future together. He had laid his fears out in the open and his heart on the line.
*
He wanted to taste rock-solid reality in their relationship and wasn't going to settle for anything less. All this 'dream stuff' had to go. It was a nice place to visit but he couldn't live there full-time. Didn't Chakotay understand that? Didn't he feel the same?
*
Peeling off what remained of his uniform, he stepped into the shower and let the hot water soothe his stiff neck. The shower also helped to restore his thought processes to clarity. Damn. That gas the Doctor used sure packed a punch.
*
He debated on what to do next. Should he get some more sleep, this time comfortably, or should he go find the Commander and demand some answers?
*
His mind drifted back to when they were in the green place and he wondered why Chakotay had looked like a ghost. The man had been pale and distant and totally uncommunicative. Was he ill? Had the gas affected him badly?
*
Tom let loose a sigh and dried off. He didn't know what was wrong with his lover precisely but he was determined to find out. Calling for the time, the computer informed him it was 0200 or thereabouts.
*
Shit, nearly the middle of the night, ship's time. What to do?
*
"Computer, what is the location of Commander Chakotay?"
*
"Commander Chakotay is on holodeck Two."
*
"Is he alone?"
*
"Affirmative."
*
Surprised by that information, Tom got dressed and went to see what the man of his dreams was doing all by himself on a holodeck in the middle of the night.
*

++++

*
Chakotay sat on a small hilltop overlooking the greenest valley he'd ever seen, with one exception. Having left his clothes by the door, he was naked.
*
He tried to make sense of Tom's words, '...I don't want to do this anymore.' But, somehow he couldn't understand it. Why would Tom throw him away like this; throw away everything they'd had together? Didn't he mean anything at all to the younger man?
*
Staring down at the holographic grass under his feet, he rested his arms on his knees and wished he could feel the softness of their special place just once more. It was nonpareil; he wished he could find a way to translate his sense-memory of the green place into a holoprogram.
*
He had a hunch that he wouldn't ever visit it again in all its glory or be reminded of the peace he'd experienced there. Spirits, he admitted to himself, he'd felt much more than peace in that place. He'd experienced total sexual satiation, and yes, some frustration as well, yet he'd felt more alive there than anywhere else...except for a few special moments in his waking life, which he liked even more.
*
Sighing out loud, he rested his cheek on his arm and wished, not for the first time, that his heart had some armor, ready-made and built into place. Because it didn't, he knew he would suffer again and again in the coming days, weeks, months...maybe even years.
*
Those moments in conscious reality were in stark contrast to everything else. They were better than anything, although fraught with uncertainty, unlike most of their encounters in the green place. Still, he always worried when they were awake, because in their dreams, he could relax and enjoy, let go of the uptight Commander act that he was forced to perform on a daily basis.
*
Sighing again, he decided that if he was going to be at all useful tomorrow, he'd better go get some more sleep. Refusing to think about how nice it would be to sleep with Tom, he walked over to the doors and put on his clothes. He checked the time and found it to be nearly 0200.
*
On the way to his cabin, he ruminated on his lousy luck: once again he would have to learn to live with loss. Chakotay let himself into his quarters and secured them, then stripped and went straight to his empty bed. He turned off his brain at that point and prayed to the Spirits he would be spared dreaming the rest of the night.
*

++++

*
Tom approached holodeck Two and inquired if it was in use. The answer was negative.
*
Damn! He must have just missed Chakotay. Turning around, he headed off quickly in the direction of the Commander's quarters. Once he arrived, he was sadly disappointed when he tried to gain entrance only to find that his lover had put up the equivalent of a 'do not disturb' sign.
*
Only someone with higher rank than he had would be able to get inside. Yawning, he decided it was too much trouble to break in tonight. He figured he could try to catch up with Chakotay at breakfast.
*
With that settled in his mind, he trudged off to his quarters yet again. What the hell was wrong with Chakotay, he wondered. Was it their little sex show on the bridge that was bugging him? Hell, they weren't alone in that. Surely Chakotay knew it as well as he did or perhaps the gas was still affecting him.
*
As Tom removed his clothing, he caught himself thinking that if all else failed, he'd see his lover in a minute or two. At least he hoped he would.
*
Pulling off the last of his clothing and calling for lights out, he crawled into his nice, clean bed and before slipping into sleep, he said out loud, "Chakotay, I'll hunt you down if I have to and see you in my dreams."
*

++++

*
Chakotay slept deeply for what seemed like the longest time. It wasn't until he felt cold that he awakened and found himself in what used to be the green place.
*
He was lying at the base of his tree, nearly smothered in blanket-sized leaves, his breath making white puffs in the still-frigid air. Determined not to be hurt again, he closed his eyes and willed himself to leave.
*
It didn't work.
*

++++

*
Tom fell asleep quickly and woke up to a winter wonderland. Everything had been transformed and nothing was easily recognizable. He was cold but didn't care. Looking around, he glimpsed what had to be Chakotay's favorite big tree.
*
Heading over to it, he spied a man-sized pile of leaves covered in snow. Sensing a mystery, he walked over to it and began to dig. Removing the snow, he eventually uncovered the leaves but they appeared to be frozen solid and stuck together.
*
Lifting them up, he looked underneath and saw Chakotay. Feeling a gush of warm air curl around his legs briefly, he quickly slid into the cocoon of leaves that harbored his lover. He sensed the great protectiveness of the tree above him as more huge leaves floated down to cover them both.
*
Was this supposed to tell him something? He had the feeling it was, but as he grew warmer, he got sleepy and soon he wasn't capable of thinking at all.
*

++++

*
Chakotay had been blasted into a sort of wakefulness by the freezing air when his covers had been removed. The next thing he knew, Tom was curled around him, sound asleep.
*
Shit. This was just what he needed.
*
He snorted and tried to force himself to go back to sleep knowing there was no other way to escape his current situation. Squeezing his eyes closed, he wondered what his Spirit guide was doing these days. Was she in cahoots with the Spirits themselves? Were they all out to drive him insane?
*
Some part of him was certain that was the case. Other parts just gave in and luxuriated in the feel of Tom's body touching his own. He felt Tom's breath warm on his skin and, sighing resignedly, wished it would always be so.
*
A short time later, he felt icy drops of water running over his face and hands. He opened his eyes and saw the frozen wasteland about him thawing at a considerable rate. Knowing who was responsible for this, he grinned and shifted Tom's slumbering body into the target area and, feigning sleep, waited both silently and gleefully.
*
He didn't have to wait long. Stealing a glance between barely open eyes, he watched as the first drop of icy water hit Tom's face, followed by a cascade of melting snow.
*
Huge globs of slush landed on Tom and Chakotay scooted away from his companion quickly, taking most of their leaf-blankets with him. He mentally thanked the large tree above him for having such good aim.
*

++++

*
Tom sat up, blinking, as a branchful of half-melted snow landed squarely in his lap. "Fuck!" He moved quickly to clear it away and looked around wildly.
*
Seeing Chakotay lying almost a meter away with a smile on his face, he snarled, "This is all your fault, I just know it." He reached down to grasp his nearly frozen cock and balls.
*
Chakotay propped himself up on an elbow and peered over at the small, blue things Tom held protectively in his hand. Chakotay then ruffled the leaves at Tom, sending out more warm air, and said teasingly, "Got a problem, Tarzan?"
*
More cold water dripped onto Tom's head and suddenly he launched himself at his lover. "Move over, Jane!" Explanations could wait, right now all he wanted to do was get warm again.
*
Landing on top of Chakotay, he didn't know exactly what to expect. He was pleasantly surprised to find himself being hugged and having the leaves, so pliant now that they were unfrozen, tucked around him snugly.
*
He looked down at the dark-eyed man who held him so securely and was dismayed to see an expression of sadness and resignation cross the beloved face.
*
Chakotay let out a long breath and inhaled once again, then inquired, "What are you doing here, Tom? I thought you wanted to let me go." The brown eyes closed and the strong arms fell away.
*
Tom quit rubbing his groin against Chakotay's and took his weight on his elbows. Pissed off at his lover's apparent fickle response to him, he snapped, "I came looking for you. Earlier you said your body was in my bed but I didn't find it there."
*
He rolled off Chakotay, turned his face skyward and continued, "After that, I went to see you on the holodeck but you weren't there...and then I chased after you and went to your quarters but I couldn't get in!" Aware that his voice had risen to the level of shouting, he abruptly stopped speaking. Rolling over to gaze at Chakotay, he was shocked to find that the man had disappeared.
*
Tom became confused and more than a little angry. He pulled the leaves, still warm from Chakotay's body, over himself and watched as the last of the ice melted.
*
It seemed like forever before he was warm enough to drift off to sleep. And a picosecond or two after he did, he was rudely awakened.
*

++++

*
Chakotay woke up and got out of bed so fast he wasn't certain what he was doing. All he knew was that he had to see Tom. Right now. While they were both awake.
*
Grabbing his robe, he stepped out the door and padded quickly down the corridor bare-footed, haphazardly tying the sash and heedless of the interested glances of the few crew he passed in transit. Not bothering with protocol, once he reached Tom's quarters, he used his privilege of rank and ordered the door to open.
*
Once inside, he engaged a privacy lock and called for lights. Noticing that Tom wasn't on the sofa, he headed for the bedroom and called for lights again.
*
Tom was in his bed but curled up into a ball, shivering. The blankets had been tossed aside and were lying on the floor.
*

Chakotay dragged them up and tucked them in around Tom. He then sat and rubbed Tom's skin until it warmed. Then and only then did he lean down and, placing a surreptitious kiss on the pale lips of his lover, he gripped Tom's shoulder and shook it hard.
*
"Tom, wake up. I need to talk to you," he said bluntly.
*
The slightly chilled blond responded by latching onto Chakotay's neck as if it were a pre-heated life jacket and he was floating in an arctic sea. "No. I don't want to wake up," Tom murmured, his eyes remaining closed.
*
Chakotay had little choice but to follow Tom down, what with the iron grip pulling him toward the mattress. He swung his legs up off the floor and, rolling onto his side, tried to disengage Tom's hands from his neck. "Why not?" he choked out.
*
"Because now I've got you just where I want you," Tom whispered.
*
"And where's that?" he whispered back as Tom forced him closer.
*
All at once, Tom erupted from underneath the covers and pinned Chakotay. Blue eyes opened and a harsh stare was aimed at him. Slowly, Tom lowered his head and kissed him. Sucking the very breath from Chakotay's lungs, Tom did not ease up on the assault he made. Relentlessly, he poured his emotions into the kiss, trying to express his want and need in the only way that seemed to work. Words had failed in the past and so Tom hoped and prayed that his actions would not.
*
Chakotay was taken by surprise. Tom had him staked out like a butterfly on a sheet of fiberboard. He tried to free his arms and legs but only partially succeeded after a long struggle. The robe he wore was tugged off and the sash was then used against him.
*
Before he knew it, his hands were tied above his head and lashed to the headboard. Only then did Tom sit up, straddling him.
*
Tom looked down at his face, breathing hard and licking swollen lips. "I don't want you going anywhere until I'm done with you."
*
His heart racing and emotions out of control, he shouted, "Tom, I don't understand. One minute you're telling me you don't want to do it anymore and the next you're all over me. What the fuck do you really want?"
*
Tom called the lights down a bit and said softly, "First of all, I want you to listen to me." Tom then settled himself over Chakotay's body and pulled up a blanket to cover them both.
*
Chakotay sighed heavily, tested the knots around his wrists and asked, "Since when have I ever not listened to you?" He wiggled his hands in his bonds again as Tom chuckled. "What? What's so damned funny about this?"
*
Tom kissed him and replied, "You aren't getting out of those knots until I let you out. Those are good, old-fashioned sailor's knots and you're stuck for the duration." Tom leaned down for another kiss and continued, "As for not listening to me? I'd say the time we were in the green place before it turned into the North Pole."
*
Chakotay frowned and thought back. His anger began to build as he remembered and he grated out, "That was when you left me, when you told me you didn't want to 'do this anymore'. Dammit, Tom, let me up. I will not lie here while you play with me."
*
Tom's frustration got the better of him and he slid his body over Chakotay's saying seductively, "Oh, yes, you will...you don't have much choice in the matter." He leaned over and began sucking the soft skin on the side of Chakotay's neck.
*
"The hell I don't!" Chakotay's ire gave him added strength and the sash of his robe came apart at the seams, allowing one hand free. It took only a second before the other one was also. He tossed aside the rent remains of fabric and grabbed Tom. "Now we'll see who has the upper hand."
*

++++

*
Tom found himself flat on his back, his legs spread and his arms held above his head. He wasn't going anywhere soon. Chakotay's greater weight pinioned him to the bed.
*
The angry look on the older man's face didn't help his state of mind at all. "Chakotay," he ventured, "You're hurting me."
*
Dark eyes sought his own and saw the truth reflected therein. He was immediately released. Chakotay sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, facing away from him. A long moment passed and a weary voice asked, "What do you want from me, Tom?"
*
Tom rose to his knees and peered over Chakotay's shoulder, seeing the older man idly rubbing his wrists where the cloth belt had abraded the skin. He felt bad about that. The last thing he wanted to do was cause more pain.
*
He rested his cheek gently on Chakotay's shoulder and brought his arms around the man's chest. "Don't leave me. When this is all over and things go back to normal, I want you to stay with me. I want to see if we have what it takes to make it work for real." He turned his head and placed a kiss behind a light-brown ear. "That's what I want."
*
"Then what was that 'I don't want to do this' thing all about?" Chakotay demanded.
*
Tom rubbed Chakotay's chest and replied sardonically, "You obviously missed my rant on the virtues of reality." Chakotay looked over his shoulder curiously and Tom grinned, then went on, "I meant that I don't want to do the dream thing anymore. It's too nebulous for me. I need more."
*
Chakotay was obviously feeling the effects of reality as Tom pinched his nipples hard, wringing out a sound that was a cross between a gasp and a groan. "More what? Are you planning on getting kinky with me, Tarzan?"
*
Tom licked the shoulder nearest his mouth and then bit down. Chakotay stiffened in his arms momentarily, then as his lover relaxed, Tom nuzzled a nearby ear and replied in a low voice, "Do you want me to?"
*
"That all depends...." Chakotay said softly as he took Tom's hands into his own and prevented them from teasing any longer.
*
Tom tried to free himself from the older man's grip but could not. He bent his head and nipped sharply, warningly, at Chakotay's neck. "On what?" Another squeeze of his fingers made him reckless and he dragged his teeth along the Commander's jaw. "What does it depend on Chakotay? Tell me."
*
Letting out a shuddering sigh, Chakotay clasped Tom's hands to his chest and held them there for a moment. "It depends on you."
*
Sensing that somehow he had made his point clearly, Tom stopped all his motions and waited. His cock was hard and had been ever since he had pinned Chakotay earlier. He wanted to make love and he wanted it to be so real that he couldn't ever confuse it with what they did in their dreams.
*
He didn't know how Chakotay would react to his need for slightly rough sex but he still wanted it...had to have it. Somehow it would slice through all the haziness of what had come before and help him, no, both of them, to anchor themselves in reality.
*

++++

*
Chakotay felt Tom's erection slide across his back and made a decision. If Tom wanted reality to the extent he assumed, then it was time to give his fair-haired lover just that. Besides, he was still a bit angry and it needed to be worked out...somehow.
*
Letting go of Tom's hands, he twisted around quickly, flattening Tom with an unsuspected move. Wide, blue eyes gazed up at him as he brought his mouth down to cover his 'real-life' lover's. Kissing Tom deeply, he wedged his body between long legs and trapped Tom's cock against his belly.
*
Reaching for the remaining pieces of the sash to his robe, he managed to gather enough to be useful. As he kissed and caressed Tom, one hand was busy, mapping out the area around the headboard and seeing what he had to work with. It wasn't much but it would do.
*
He wound a long, rough-edged length of fabric around Tom's right hand and got it out of the way for the time being. Tom didn't seem to notice until he tried to move it but by then it was too late.
*
"Uh, Chakotay? Why have you tied my hand to the corner of the headboard?"
*
Chakotay sat back on his heels, trapping Tom's legs and smiled evilly. "Why shouldn't I? You tried to tie me up earlier." He ran a hand across Tom's chest and tugged on a hair or two, causing Tom to twitch.
*
"But that was just because I didn't want you to go away again." Tom tried out his helpless, vulnerable expression and tone of voice.
*
Chakotay wasn't buying what Tom was trying to sell. He grinned so widely that his dimples had shadows inside them and he bent down to touch noses with Tom. "I will not leave you unless you specifically tell me to go while we are both wide awake. And if you do, be aware that I will not come back. Do you understand me?"
*
Tom swallowed audibly and whispered, "Yes."
*
"Good." Chakotay took Tom's left hand and raised it to his lips, then bit down hard on the heel.
*
Tom jerked and cried out, "No! Don't do this to me, Chakotay. I can't take it right now."
*
"Can't take what?" Chakotay purred as he bit his way along Tom's arm, leaving red marks in his wake. He wound up nibbling on the sensitive skin near a lightly furred armpit then moved over to tease an already hardened dark pink nipple.
*
Tom tried to thrash but every time he moved, his one restrained arm halted his progress. Gasping for breath as Chakotay tongued his way across the sparsely-haired chest, he moaned, "It's too much. You make me feel too much!"
*
Chakotay reached under Tom's pillow and pulled out the lube from its hiding place. He rubbed his erection against Tom's and murmured in his ear, "But that's what you wanted, right? You wanted a dose of reality, which is why you bit me on the shoulder earlier." Spreading lube on his fingers and assaulting Tom's anus, he continued, "Did you know you left teeth-marks on my skin? I can still feel them pulsing. And before that, did you know how much you hurt me when you said you didn't want me anymore?"
*
Tom panted and grunted, "No. I didn't know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't ever want to hurt you, Chakotay...I love you...damn! What are you doing to me?"
*
Chakotay answered calmly and with great satisfaction, "I am preparing you so that I can fuck you into the next level of reality. And maybe, if you're good, I might untie you. And then again, maybe not...."
*
Watching the different expressions play across Tom's face more than made up for all his trials and tribulations of the last several hours. He loved the man lying under him and as he leaned down and conquered Tom's mouth, he set out to prove it once and for all.
*

++++

*
Tom felt his body being turned over and the fabric wound around his wrist even more tightly. Chakotay's fingers were still deeply inside him and pleasure was the name of the game. He couldn't believe how good it felt; it seemed his nerves had discovered individual lives of their own.
*
His body was controlled and manipulated with and without his cooperation and he loved it. He expected he would attain the experience he was hoping for. As he felt Chakotay part his cheeks and shove that large, wonderful cock inside his ass, he knew that it would pound him into the mattress and make him fly all at the same time.
*
He felt teeth rake across his shoulders and deliver an answering bite, giving him his own sharp taste of pulsating pleasure/pain. "Oh god. More, Chakotay...harder!"
*
A hand snaked under him as his legs were pushed further apart. He reached around with his left hand and groped Chakotay's ass as the powerful muscles contracted with each thrust into his prone, helpless body. God, he loved this feeling. He let go and closed his eyes, trying to make the climb to the peak last as long as possible.
*
As he was thoroughly fucked and a hand squeezed his dick in a counter-rhythm, he was surprised when Chakotay insisted on freeing his right hand. Still plowing into him, Chakotay ripped away the cloth and brought his hand up, soothing the red marks with his tongue.
*
A few strokes later, Chakotay came hard and Tom could do nothing but whimper as his ass was filled with liquid flames. He felt a great weight settle over him and he struggled futilely to obtain just a tiny bit more friction for his cock. He wanted to come so badly.
*
"Don't move."
*
The sultry words wended their way into his ear and snuggled up to his brain. They forced him to comply. He lay motionless for a few minutes, ignoring his aching erection until it was gripped more tightly than ever.
*
Slowly, Chakotay slid out of him, leaving him empty. "Turn over."
*
Tom did so and was surprised when Chakotay sucked him so hard, he came in mere seconds. He felt as if Chakotay had sucked out his very soul along with his semen.
*
After kissing him even deeper into insensibility, his lover spent the time before they fell asleep holding him tightly and licking and kissing his wrist, all the while murmuring, "I love you...."
*

END OF PART 13

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In Dreams, Conclusion